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MARCHIFORNICATION 2013: There's Something Strange in the Neighborhood

Who ya gonna call?

Iconferentz_medium Guys, meet Chris White.

Iconferentz_medium Chris was a special teams coach with the Vikings. He'll be coaching running backs for us.

Iconferentz_medium I think Chris has some pretty special skills for us to use.

Bfern_icon_medium I'd say. Our special teams have been horrendous for 10 years now.

Iconferentz_medium And they will continue to be.

Bfern_icon_medium What?

Iconferentz_medium He's not here for special teams. He was part of the team that brought Adrian Peterson back from a torn ACL after six months.

Iconferentz_medium He's an AIRBHUSTER.

Chriswhite_icon_medium That I am. I can beat this hex, gentlemen. And once I do, we can take Marchifornication again.

Bfern_icon_medium I'm not saying I buy this, but if you were going to defeat AIRBHG, what would you do?

Chriswhite_icon_medium Well, first I'd put together a team of young, energetic guys to match his strength.

Chriswhite_icon_medium So Brian, you're in. You too, Levar. And...

Chriswhite_icon_medium And...

Chriswhite_icon_medium Kirk, is there anyone else under 45 on this staff?

Iconferentz_medium Look, HR told me I had to hire two young guys or risk a lawsuit, so I did, OK?

Chriswhite_icon_medium Well, we need a fourth. Someone who is known for riling up deified beings.

Bfern_icon_medium Then who ya gonna call?

Iconferentz_medium Heh heh heh.

Bfern_icon_medium No, seriously, who are we going to call?

The_rock_icon_medium The Rock will do it.

Chriswhite_icon_mediumBfern_icon_medium The Rock?

The_rock_icon_medium Hell yes, jabronies. The Rock says this: The Rock is on every television show and in every movie right now, but The Rock has been pushing for a Ghostbusters 2 sequel called 2 Ghost 2 Busters for years, and he has yet to break into Marchifornication. And so The Rock is going to take his size 13 boot, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up AIRBHG's candy ass!

Chriswhite_icon_medium OK, that was unnecessary --

Bfern_icon_medium -- but way cool, The Rock! --

Chriswhite_icon_medium -- but we could use someone like you. OK, you're in.

Chriswhite_icon_medium Next, if we're following the script of Ghostbusters 2, we know that AIRBHG has taken the human form of a diminutive gentleman that works in a art museum. Who could that --

Bfern_icon_medium That Japanese guy.

Chriswhite_icon_medium What?

Bfern_icon_medium The Japanese guy who "defeated" AIRBHG in Marchifornication, then destroyed Fran McCaffery, Pat Fitzgerald, and Mark Weisman. He's a janitor at the art building.

Chriswhite_icon_medium It has to be him, then. Do we know where he is?

Bfern_icon_medium No, and it wouldn't matter. That dude is unstoppable right now.

Chriswhite_icon_medium There has to be a way to defeat him.

Chriswhite_icon_medium Let's split this up. Rock, you go try to lure out this guy so we can isolate him. While you do that, we'll come up with something that is more powerful than AIRBHG.

The televisions in the room flicker on...