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When Headlines Go Bad and My Hopes Get Crushed

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or, Ross haz a sad.

Donald Miralle

So earlier today I was perusing a link at Raiders.com about the Raiders' 2013 opponents that my brother had sent me when I noticed a very startling headline in the sidebar:

Raiders_headlines_medium

Marcel Reece's Pro Bowl Blog, yes! Wait, no...

"Raiders Name Bob Sanders Linebackers Coach"

WHAT?

One of my all-time favorite Iowa players coaching for my favorite NFL team?! Sure, Bob hadn't played linebacker in college or the NFL, but that didn't matter -- Kirk Ferentz played linebacker but he became a hell of an offensive line coach. And, sure, a small part of my brain said "Hey, great coaches don't always become great coaches, like --" but the excited WOO BOB MOTHERFUCKING SANDERS ON THE RAIDERS part of my brain beat that other part of my brain with a 2x4 until it shut up.

Excitedly, I clicked on the link:

Raiders_bob_sanders_headline_medium

Goddamn.

Retirement sure has changed you, Bob.

Damn you, interwebs. Damn you, hyperlinks. Damn your deception and trickery.

Sigh.