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CARING IS SEXY 2016: ROMEO MCKNIGHT SAYS HAVE A SEAT RIGHT THERE, GIRL

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(God bless Smoove B and the Onion, obviously)

Girl, it's time for a commitment.

Romeo McKnight, who is honest to god named Romeo McKnightannounced his verbal commitment to the Iowa Hawkeyes this afternoon. McKnight is a 6'5", 225-pound weakside DE from Crystal Lake (IL) and garnered three stars from all the major recruiting services. The announcement isn't a surprise; Iowa had led for a while, he visited multiple times over the spring and his best other offer was, like, Wyoming. Romeo McKnight doesn't mean to do you wrong, Craig Bohl, it's just how it's gotta be.

McKnight spent most of his high school career as something of a hybrid end, playing with his hand on and off (usually off) the line at the snap. He didn't spend much time in coverage, so there should be no doubt he's being targeted for work on the line. A man should know how to use his hands, girl. Romeo McKnight will use his hands. He will put them where they need to be.

He will get down.

Iowa now has seven commitments in its class from prospects targeted for the front seven on defense. It's a personnel group that badly needed an upgrade over the last two seasons, and it's hard to think of the last better-than-average Iowa team under Ferentz that wasn't stacked with future NFL talent up front on defense. It's obviously way too early to call any of the 2016 class destined for the NFL, but by and large these are early targets and early offers coming into the fold, and for as much as one might give Ferentz grief, his overall track record in identifying and developing defensive linemen stacks up with the best in the conference.

And girl. Girl. Romeo McKnight did not get the name Romeo McKnight because he was average. Romeo McKnight intends to satisfy. Romeo McKnight will meet your expectations, and he will meet your mother, and she will enjoy the occasion. He will shed the blocks of the other men on the field, those who do not wish the Hawkeyes the best of luck, and he will give every fan in Historic Kinnick Stadium—especially you, girl—three hours of unsurpassed pleasure, every fall Saturday when he's in town.

Damn.