Kicker’s Korner: Utah State

Welcome to Kicker’s Korner!

This is a new segment of Black Heart Gold Pants where I will pit the upcoming weeks kickers against each other to see which team has the advantage in the MOST IMPOSRTANT phase of the game. So basically, it’s going to be an article that lays out how bad Tory Taylor and Drew Stevens are going to reem their opponent on a weekly basis.

Week one sees our beloved Hawkeyes hosting the Utah State Aggies in Kinnick Stadium for a noon kickoff. The forecast is calling for perfect kicking conditions with a sweltering high of 92 degrees and not much wind with an expected 10mph SSW breeze. Each of the kickers below have no excuse for a poor performance Saturday. Now let’s meet them.

Punters

In the right corner, standing in at an imposing 6 feet 4 inches tall, and weighing in at a massive 232 pounds of raw Aussie steel and Fosters beer. A man who kickboxes Kangaroos in the offseason to prep his cracker of a leg. Dawning the black and gold for the Hawkeyes, The Thunder from Down Under… TORY TAAAAAYYYYYLLLLOOOORRR!!!

Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

And in the left corner, also an Aussie, but not near as Aussie as our guy, standing at a much less imposing 6 feet 1 inch tall and only 205 pounds, A man who can only kickbox wallabies (a much smaller member of the kangaroo family), dawning the blue and white for the Aggies, Stephen Kotsanlee.

Photo by Brandon Sloter/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

This matchup of Aussie punters should favor the Hawkeyes (as should every matchup this year). Tory Taylor returns for his senior season a favorite to win the Ray Guy award as the nation’s best punter. Steve Kotsanlee does not. Must I say more? I will just for the hell of it. Here are how the two’s stats line up next to each other.

Average:

Taylor: 45.4

Not Taylor: 43.4

Punts Inside the 20:

Taylor: 1 billion

Not Taylor: Not 1 billion

Winner: Tory Taylor

I can’t wait to put Taylor here every week of the season. Bring it on Georgia, Bama, Ohio. St and whoever wants to challenge the Hawks! Our punter will whip yours EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

Kickers:

In the right corner, also representing the home team Hawkeyes in the black and gold. A sophomore from South Carolina. Standing at 6 feet tall and weighing 199 pounds of pure southern gravy. A man to whom taking the under means taking on any opposition and burying them 6 feet underground. The Carolina Reaper himself, DreeeeeeewSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVEEEEENNSSSSS.

Photo by Keith Gillett/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

And in the left corner, dawning the white and blue for the Aggies, coming in at 5 feet, 10 inches tall. All the way from Bergamo, Italy. William Testa.

This is another matchup that the Hawks should dominate. Drew Stevens comes into his sophomore season riding high after a strong freshman campaign. Testa has never kicked in a college game. That’s all you need to know. Here’s how they line up.

Attempts/Makes:

Stevens: 16-18

Testa: 0-0 (well I guess he’s never missed)

Long:

Stevens: 54 yards

Testa: A long flight from Italy.

Winner: Drew Stevens

Stevens is going to curb stomp most of his competition this year. The kid has effortless power as a result of him being able to get great reach and flexibility with his 6-foot frame. It’s to early to say now, but by the time this kid finishes his Iowa career, I believe he is going to be holding quite a few records. Nate Kaeding 2.0? We’ll see.

So, the Hawks are poised to move to 1-0 in the kicking department this year after an expected smackdown of the Aggies. Moving forward, I will post the record of each school’s kicker and punter along with the combined record for each week. Example: I expect both Taylor and Stevens to do better than their opponents this week. Each would be 1-0 individually and as a unit, they would also be 1-0. Should one of them be outperformed Saturday, their unit ranking would be 0-0-1. But we all know that’s just poppycock.

Be sure to tune in next week for the annual special teams mauling of the team from Lames!