Monday Musings: Insane in the Iowa Membrane

Once again, we’re here. We can see the farm-based promised land just a little bit ahead of us, but before we can get there, we have to swim across a Badger filled moat of excrement and pain. Again.

If you look up the definition of “insanity” in the Webster Dictionary it really should say “See: Iowa Football”.

After six football games, Iowa is exactly where most of us predicted they would be at the start of the year. No really... I did this with SpoCo Hostess with the Mostest back on May 25th (that feels like yesterday and forever ago all at once... I hate getting older):

I was a bit off on the Utah State point spread because I was foolishly thinking the offense would be better (IDIOT), and Penn State because I thought Iowa would get off the plane (IDIOT) but pretty on the money everywhere else. I’m kind of proud of myself actually.

But that’s my point here... Iowa Football = insanity.

While most of us hoped it would have looked better than the last several years, nevertheless, Iowa continues to do exactly what Iowa does: Win while laughing in the face of offense and wide receivers and elite offensive lines and quarterbacks and running backs and trick plays and offensive schemes that aren’t more complicated than brain surgery and most importantly, the ol’ DRIVE FOR 325 YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO.

There are two versions of the same Iowa fan in my opinion. The one that can look in the mirror during the offseason and know exactly where this program is, what this program is not, and where this program is going because you’re far away from it but also craving it so desperately.

And then there is the in season fan that starts seeing the same thing over and over and over again that they saw before. The one who spent months on end convincing themselves that it would finally change and then it doesn’t and it doesn’t and it doesn’t until you can’t help but loose your marbles because you’re so tired of watching mind numbing football. You know full well that your favorite football team is marching out some of the best defensive and special teams units season after bloody season with no help from anyone on the team whose job it is to actually try and score.

And then, well, EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS.

This moment right here, right where we find ourselves right now going into Saturday is where those two versions of the same Iowa fan meet.

This is where one of them wins out.

Because on Saturday we’ll have in one corner the goofy-in-the-most-Iowa-way-possible, 5-1 Hawkeyes going into Madison to face the 4-1 Badgers in what is 100% the defacto Big Ten West Championship Game. The winner not only gets a big bronze Bull to ride home on, but they also all but punch their ticket to Indianapolis for the chance to be slaughtered at the hands of Michigan or Penn State...

Sorry...sorry... that was WAY to pessimistic. Let me try that again.

THE WINNER NOT ONLY GETS A BIG BRONZE BULL TO RIDE HOME ON, BUT THEY ALSO ALL BUT PUNCH THEIR TICKET TO INDIANPOLIS FOR THE CHANCE TO TRICK ALL OF US INTO THINKING WE CAN ACTUALLY WIN!

You know I’ll be here on November 27th telling you we can.

Unless of course we lose because of the offense and I’ll be here on Monday telling you we suck.

Again...insanity = Iowa Football.

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On Saturday night after Iowa beat Purdue and knowing what’s coming next, I sent out this Tweet:

I was obviously pissed off. But that’s when DCIII (SpoCo Forever) sent me this:

“You know why they will? If they really cared about the 25ppg thing, they’d have changed the offense to accomplish it. Everyone is so butthurt over it being an embarrassment but the ones who should be embarrassed by it didn’t do a damn thing to make it a non-story. We shouldn’t accept it but we shouldn’t be embarrassed by it either. Let everyone cover it and bring attention to the ineptitude that they display year in and year out because people not talking about it gives Kirk the ability to just rehire him.”

When he’s right... he’s right.

To which I responded with:

“You can’t fire the Big Ten West Champion offensive coordinator! Over a silly contract? That contract should be null and void for many reasons as is. For starters the person that wrote that into the contract no longer works at the University of Iowa and the fact that he even let that get into a contract knowing he was going to retire is baffling. Why would he do that to the interim? On top of that, our #1 Quarterback was already injured before the season began and then we lost him in the fifth game for the entire season... and that was a game or two after we lost our best offensive weapon at tight end. Do we need the offense to improve, yes, but Kirk’s going to tell us all that he knows he has the coaches in place to get that done. And he’ll say it right before he lets go of George Barnett and Kelton Copeland”

Tell me where we’re wrong... I’ll wait.

You can’t becauseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Iowa Football = insanity.

In my opinion there are only two ways this can still go from here: Either Kirk retires because he’s sick of having to deal with all of us/this offensive situation or he knows he’s untouchable because “Iowa once went a decade without a winning season you wouldn’t want that again”. I think Saturday will have a lot weight in what choice he ultimately makes.

Either we have something new going into 2024 and everyone will hold that new coach under a microscope WAY more than they ever did Kirk, or we do THIS all over again and again and again.

And that’s the rub. We know that under Kirk Ferentz, Iowa will continue to be just good enough to beat 12 to 13 of the 18 teams in the Big Ten and the schedule will protect them from a few more and voila, we’re talking about a playoff contender every 2-3 years with zero offensive capabilities and the same system in place to just keep doing it over and over and over again because if it ain’t broke...

But then again, there could be someone out there that could help Iowa take the next step and actually WIN a Big Ten Championship and a playoff game or two.

Or then again, maybe we’ll suck forever without a Ferentz at the helm?

I can’t wait for Saturday to figure out what it may be. Put me in a straight jacket.

On to the musings:

1. 3:30ET games are the bane of my existence as a father to a kid that wants to walk in whichever direction the wind blows. 3:30ET games that are on Peacock are basically purgatory.
2. Cooper DeJean. Heisman Hopeful. What did I tell you! Now Kirk and Brian just need to stop being babies about it and let Coop get his Travis Hunter on. You obviously don’t give a rats backside about it anyways, so let the kid get the ball a couple of times in space. I guarantee you that he’s game for it. If nobody else on the team can catch a Deacon Hill fastball and go 7-yards, why not let him try and bump his stats in the process. The dude is electric with the ball in his hands.
3. Why throw at him? Why? What are you gaining from that?
4. How many times do you think the Peacock broadcast showed Ryan Walters in his pee-yellow hoodie? I’m setting the O/U at 73.5 and I think it might be too low.
5. Do we think Iowa can score 17 points and beat Wisconsin... because I kind of do.
6. YES I’M INSANE