Big Ten Football Power Rankings: Week One

Hi!

If you think I’m letting Charlie Jones’ 12-catch, 153-yard performance overshadow Scott Frost Day in Ireland, you’re a fool. And if you think I’m not letting the outcomes of two Big Ten games on Thursday night preemptively influence this week’s rankings, you’re still a fool.

I’m extra sleepy right now after staying up way past my bedtime to watch to coaches try and give a game away to each other. I knew James Franklin was a moron, but truly expected better out of Jeff Brohm.

You would think that after totally and completely owning Kirk Ferentz the past four years, Brohm at least would’ve picked up on the ONLY thing Kirk does well—boring the crowd to absolute death by filibustering the final six minutes of a game while holding on to a 3-point lead for dear life. But nope, as we’ve all learned by now, those with power in Pennsylvania are going to do everything they can to exert their influence over the will of the people.

1. Penn State (1-0, 1-0)

Find me a worse #1 this season, you won’t. Real quick, which grip is looser: Sean Clifford’s on the quarterback job, or Penn Staters on reality?

2. Northwestern (1-0, 1-0)

Good on a Fitzgerald for defending the Emerald Isle and ridding it of snakes for what should be the last time.

3. Ohio State

Nothing has changed from last week until now, other than my confidence that the Buckeyes will cover the over against Notre Dame on its own.

4. Michigan

Putting them here now because Jim Harbaugh playing King Solomon and splitting his quarterbabies in half by giving them their own game to fluster about, rather than starting halves with one or another is the smartest dumb thing I’ve seen in a while.

5. Michigan State

I just learned Payton Thorne’s dad is the offensive coordinator for MSU’s first opponent, reminding me of another bible story—the one where Moses’ sons publicly owned him for not being able to handle his liquor.

6. Wisconsin

Still think Graham Mertz stinks.

7. Illinois (1-0, 0-0)

Totally forgot it played already. Two hundred and sixty rushing yards against a crappy team has Bielema’s sausage fingers written all over it.

8. Rutgers

Putting them here because I respect the hell out of them scheduling former Big East Brethren Boston College. Rutgers is a 7-point dog.

9. Iowa

I’m knocking Iowa all the way down because of the aforementioned waste of Jones. Quick reminder, he had 21 catches all of last year! The worst part of it all is Iowa’s conservatism almost certainly wins them this game if in Purdue’s position. I need more blankets and less blankets at the same time!

Do we take Jones’ 3-catch, 13-yard & 1 touchdown performance against Penn State in a win last year over his box score-splitting slash line in a loss? Who’s to say.

10. Minnesota (1-0, 0-0)

I learned today Tanner Morgan just got married, all but dooming Minnesota’s chance of ever sealing the deal against Iowa. This is what also ultimately doomed Aidan O’Connell and Purdue.

11. Purdue (0-1, 0-1)

Putting them here because I just watched Jeff Brohm waste two opportunities to win this game, which is almost worst than watching the Ferentzes waste Charlie Jones. Three runs in the 4th quarter! Awful awful.

12 & 13

I simply do not care.

14. Nerbaska

Circle your calendars for the next Scott Frost Day—October 1st—when his buyout lowers by $7.5 million.

I simply cannot wait to own Matt Campbell while he’s wearing a Nerbaska polo from 2023-’28.

Also sidebar, I want to point out the contrast between flipping from Purdue-PSU to the brawl last night. Baby blue and clean whites over your Oreo color scheme in a high school stadium? Love me some B10 but watching Kedon Slovis zip it in that stadium was fentanyl injection to the senses.

Photo by Justin Berl/Getty Images

We’re back!