I’m going to be honest and admit that I decided to go salmon fishing up in Michigan with a couple buddies of mine who play for the Colts instead of watch this Hawkeye game live. I told myself I could just watch the recording when I got home and I’d be ok. My god was I wrong. If any of you have plans to record the games from now on (and I don’t blame you), know that it makes it much, much worse. I’ve found out that the apathy that sets in during these games live is a proactive measure that my mind has taken to control my heart rate and vocal cords. When I watched the recording, I just became mad. Watching a game already knowing the outcome heightens every dropped pass, missed throw, failed touchdown drive, and bad call. So please, take my word and don’t subject yourself to that.
I had planned for this article to be a recap of the first half of the season with a few notes about a win against the Illini. Well, unlike this offense, things change. It’s gotten to the point where individual efforts don’t matter this year. This TEAM, needs to start playing like a TEAM. I know, you know, we all know how skewed the numbers have been in favor of the defense over the last couple of years but after that pathetic performance in Champagne, the discrepancy between the two units must come to light. Here we go.
Ticker Symbol: POOP
Putrid. Absolutely f****** putrid. There is nothing about this unit that deserves to be in the stock up category. Sure there are some pieces to like. Sam Laporta has had a few nice games, Kaleb Johnson will be a good back as well, but that doesn’t matter nor should it receive credit after half a season of this nonsense. Here is all of that nonsense ranked out of 131 teams.
Total Offense: #131 (238.8 yards/game)
Rushing: #127 (82.2 yards/game)
Passing: #120 (156.7 yards/game)
Scoring: #127 (14.7 points per game) This section is particularly appalling because it includes two defensive touchdowns, two safeties, a 16 yard touchdown drive off a blocked punt, a touchdown in garbage time against Michigan, and a field goal off of an Illinois fumble at the 5. If you take those scenarios away from the 88 points the Hawkeyes have scored this year, the offense has generated 53 points this year through half a season. 53 DAMN POINTS!!!! Are you kidding me!!!! That’s good for 8.83/game.
3rd Down Conversions: #122 (29.6%)
Completion Percentage: #118 (53.7%)
First Downs: #127 (80)
Red Zone Offense: #126 (66.7%) Almost didn’t put this one in because you need to be able to get into the red zone first before you can accumulate red zone statistics. We’ve been there 12 times by the way. Again two of which we started there by way of a turnover. Scored 4 touchdowns off of those 12 times. In case you were wondering.
Sacks Allowed: #109 (18)
TFL’s Allowed: #107 (34)
Are you kidding me!?!? I’m serious! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!?! There is no way these numbers should EVER be produced from a team that has seen as much success as Iowa. There is literally no redeeming part of this offense. I’m 1000000% positive all of you experience this offense in the same way that my family and I do. Does it go something like this...
I could go on and on but for my own sake I’m going to stop and move on to something happier.
Ticker Symbol: (NOT POOP)
Total Defense: #9 (265 yards/game)
Rushing: #27 (111 yards/game)
Passing: #5 (154 yards/game)
Scoring: #3 (9.83 points/game) Think about that people. Iowa averages giving up under 10 points a game and they are 3-3...
Red Zone TD%: #3 (33.33%) 5 TD’s on 15 trips.
These are a few statistics that the Hawkeyes dominate the most in. Do they need to get better at sacking the quarterback and being more disruptive in the running game? Sure. But the difference between the two units (other than everything) is that the defense does not allow a short coming to unravel their overall performance. Remember to that most of these statistics are inflated as a result of the other teams offense always having the football as a result of Iowa going three and out. I can’t say anything else other than it’s simply an unreal and heroic effort this year on the defensive side of the ball and they deserve better.
Ticker Symbol (KICKASS)
Nothing new to say here. Same as the defense. Dominant in almost every category. Since plugging in Drew Stevens at starting kicker, this unit is just about flawless.
So this was different. It was, however, a good chance to just take a peak at how the Hawkeyes are looking on both sides at the halfway point. I thought it necessary to not honor individuals on units that were inept and praise all who make up the truly dominant parts of this football team. Next week I will give some individual updates as a trip to Columbus looms. Until then remember , don’t wait to watch a recording of these games. Just rip it off like a band aide and get it over with.