Big Ten Football Power Rankings: Week Two

Hi!

As upset as I was with the fact the Big Ten scheduled all these early conference games, I’ve gotta say, that weekend was pretty GREAT for the Kevin Warren$ of the world.

The Big Ten totally and completely owned not only Scott Frost Day a week ago, but the entire real opening weekend up until the country was captivated by Zamir White that damn Georiga bulldog defense.

Minnesota-Ohio State kicked off the weekend in an eminently watchable contest, and then we were rewarded with... Michigan State pantsing Pat Fitzgerald during Big Ten After Dark.

Despite Penn State-Wisconsin being a bit of a snooze fest, you hungry folks were served up a heaping helping of Iowa dragging its chonk across Indiana’s face for 60 minutes in a pristine and surly Kinnick Stadium.

I think I’ll go back for seconds!

1. Ohio State (1-0)

As predicted, it took about 2 ¹⁄₂ quarters and a devastating Minnesota injury for Ohio State and Chris Olave and CJ Stroud to solidify itself as the Real Deal. The Buckeyes have Oregon next week before it can sleep walk its way through the rest of the schedule, waiting for an upstart to knock it from the perch in December.

2. Iowa (1-0)

Don’t let Riley Moss being the defensive player of the week distract you from the fact Tom Allen has never beat Kirk Ferentz and Iowa heads into gAmesday (ISU marketing department hit me up, I know you read this) ranked in the top 10 ready to face yet ANOTHER coach who has yet to beat Captain Kirk.

3. Penn State (1-0)

I didn’t watch a single second of Penn State-Wisconsin but I do know it was 0-0 at half and that Wisconsin had a bakers dozen chances to win the game at the end but chose to not do that. The Nits expertly scheduled Auburn this year, the Michigan of the SEC, likely padding its resume even more prior to its trip to Iowa City in October.

4. Michigan State (1-0)

I’m gathering that Mel Tucker has sort of assembled this roster as a triage unit of sorts, accepting 40 or so transfers who, like so many of us this past year, found themselves lost amidst a rapidly changing world. A school of lost souls. I can dig it.

Michigan State thoroughly outclassed Northwestern in a way that literally everyone could’ve predicted. Wake Forest transfer Kenneth Walker III had 264 yards rushing, but I’m just waiting until Tucker coaches a game in shorts again.

5. Maryland (1-0)

I didn’t watch a second of this game, all I know is Maryland’s quarterback has a more famous brother and West Virginia no longer has a quarterback who also has a more famous brother, so I’m over it.

6. Michigan (1-0)

FINALLY, Jim Harbaugh has a highly-touted quarterback to install in his system to make Michigan tick in... year six.

7. Purdue (1-0)

Purdue has a receiver named Payne this year, and if that just isn’t a poetic predictor leading up to the Iowa matchup then I don’t know what is.

8. Wisconsin (0-1)

I’m the biggest Graham Mertz Truther there is, and I’m becoming emotionally committed to Wisconsin being absolute buttcheeks this whole season.

9. Minnesota (0-1)

Ya really have to feel for Mohamed Ibrahim, who will miss the rest of the season, and his teammates. Minnesota did everything it could to pull the upset until his injury and a strip sack hit PJ Fleck and his squad over the head with an oar. Minnesota has more capable running backs on the roster, but I’m not sure it has any capable defensive backs.

10. Illinois (1-1, 1-0)

Let’s trade UTSA for Nebraska?

11. Indiana (0-1)

The Indinia Hosiers won’t win many games when Michael Penix Jr. plays like that. Lucky for him he won’t see Riley Moss again!

12. Rutgers (1-0)

13. Northwestern (0-1)

14. Nebraska (1-1, 0-1)

I don’t get paid enough to write about shitty teams around the high holidays. I will say, however, Nebraska is a special brand of ass compared to its cohorts.