For those of you who may not know but ahead of this season, my lovely wife gave birth to our baby boy. He’s adorable. But he’ll need money for college assuming he doesn’t grow up to be a 6’4” point god or TikTok star and it still costs a pretty penny to attend.

So it’s time to open a 529 and what better way* to invest than college football picks.

Note: there are much better ways to invest money and neither I, nor BHGP, are liable for any losses you may endure as a result of any “advice.”

Alrighty, so any smart investor sets ground rules for how they’ll invest. For this season, we’re putting 10,000 units into baby BoilerHawk’s 529. Each week we’ll put no more than 20% of the current balance down and no more than 5% of the bankroll on a single bet.

If we’re lucky, we’ll get this balance up to 10,394 by Monday morning’s open so we can buy a Bitcoin.

If only.

So what’s the slate of games look like?

William Hill has a dozen bettable games with eight of them happening in the 11:00 time window. If we’re gonna lose money in a couple wee hours, we’re not gonna be able to make it back.

But first, let’s start with an old foe:

Louisiana (+11.5 / ML: +400) at Iowa State

Iowa State went out and got a solid team to play in their first week as the Ragin’ Cajuns are coming off an 11-3 season with Billy Napier returning with his quarterback, Levi Lewis, who only threw 26 touchdowns to 4 interceptions last season. They also return a 1000 yard back in Elijah Mitchell.

They were 10th in the country in scoring last year while being 18th in defense. So they can ball.

Will Iowa State pick up where they left off? Which is to say, will they continue to underperform?

And while Iowa was ostensibly their first game in 2018 after SDSU rained out, Louisiana is a huge step up from UNI who they’ve faced in five of the last seven season openers.

With no home field advantage, let’s live a little and take the dog.

The pick: Louisiana (+400), 400 units to return 2,000

Let’s keep it in state with:

Louisiana-Monroe (+22 / ML: 10/1) at Army

Will Army really be able to have enough quick possessions to win this by 4+ possessions for a second straight week?

Perhaps, but each of their 22+ point wins last year came against truly wretched teams and I’ll trust that ULM is not that.

The pick: Parlay Louisiana +11.5 with Louisiana-Monroe +22 (+260), 278 units to return 1,000

Just for kicks:

Chelsea (+800 to win the Premier League)

This sucker won’t pay out till well after the college football season is over but what could go wrong with an American manning the 10 for the Blues.

A lot, I’m sure.

The pick: 445 units to return 4,005

So there you have it. Three absolute locks to get the lil baby’s college fund off on the right foot.

Bankroll:
8,777 units

Outstanding bets:
Louisiana +400 over ISU (returns 2,000 units)
Louisiana +11.5/ULM +22 (returns 1,000 units)
Chelsea +800 to win Premier League (returns 4,005 units)