The Iowa Hawkeyes took Minnesota’s cellar-dwelling rush defense and threw it to the depths of the Mariana Trench as it amassed 237 yards and 4 touchdowns on the ground in a devastating 35-7 win over the Goofers.

Iowa started off with three straight runs to Tyler Goodson, and if not for a whiffed blocking assignment, the Hawkeyes would’ve made it past three plays.

The ensuing offensive drive is where Iowa stretched out its rushing attack, as short passes to Goodson and Tyrone Tracy—basically run plays—set up a one-yard jet-sweep score for Nico Ragaini.

Minnesota’s offense continued to sputter, but Spencer Petras did some sputtering of his own shortly after a Gopher punt that followed a Daviyon Nixon tipped ball on third down.

Petras didn’t take his eyes off Ihmir Smith-Marsette on second down, and James Gordon came down with the ball. Luckily, an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty was assessed to PJ Fleck (the second year in a row he’s drawn a flag against Iowa) and Minnesota was pushed to its 45 yard line, a huge difference from the opposite 40.

Iowa’s defense escaped that drive with no blood, and was rewarded with a ribeye of a drive by its offense.

It took 12 plays and 5 ½ minutes, but 86 yards later, Iowa extended its lead following a drive that featured 10 runs. Goodson took a shotgun snap 7 yards to extend the lead, and it’s just so funny to see cowboy-collared Monte Pottebaum by his side in this Hawkeyecat formation.

Iowa’s next offensive drive was hamstrung by a blown up jet-sweep to ISM, and a failed 50-yard attempt doomed scoring chances for the remainder of the half. It felt like the Hawkeyes should’ve been leading something like 28-0 at the break, but the Gophers benefitted from Iowa’s aerial deficiencies and went into the locker room with plenty of wiggle room.

Iowa’s first drive of the third quarter lasted one minute and three plays.

Down 14-0, Minnesota drove the ball down Iowa’s throats, churning out 17 (seventeen) plays that spanned 74 yards and ate 11 minutes of clock. Hilariously, that drive ended in a blocked field goal following a horrendous series of playcalls, including a zone read to Mohamed Ibrahim on 3rd and 6.

It felt like a field goal would ice it for Iowa on the ensuing drive, and Goodson added some insurance to that feeling by breaking off a 45-yard run to lead us into the fourth.

Four plays later, ISM pranced into the end zone to put the nail in the coffin. It was his third score in three years against the Gophers, and enough to go waltzing Matilda with Floyd.

Fine, we’ll add a little insult to injury and include an incredible play by Riley Moss to Tanner Morgan’s slapsgiving. We’ll toss in some more heroics by Tyler Goodson to extend the lead even further.

Iowa’s second drive of the fourth quarter was capped off by its first successful two-point conversion since 2016… which also came against Minnesota.

With 9 minutes left, Zach VanValkenburg sealed the cave on Tanner Morgan and the Goofs, making way for Iowa’s second team offense to run it up here on out. Mekhi Sargent put up 51 yards on the next three carries and added to Iowa’s lead on a 14-yard scamper to make it 35-0 and I’m dipping bacon in my Guinness.

Is that a euphemism? Who’s to say!

Minnesota kept its offensive starters in, because of course it did, but who cares? We’ve got official accounts tossing hands in these streets.

Anyway Iowa won this going away, Brady Quinn shouldn’t have a job, and Pajamas is 0-5 lifetime against Kirk Ferentz. Floyd stays home for six straight years.

He’s already reading at a seventh-grader’s level!

Podcast, too!