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BOILERHONK’S PONKS FOR WEEK FIVE

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The ponks suffer their first backdoor cover and many more losses. Will they ever notch a W?

For those of you who may not know but ahead of this season, my lovely wife gave birth to our baby boy. He’s adorable. But he’ll need money for college assuming he doesn’t grow up to be a 6’4” point god or TikTok star and it still costs a pretty penny to attend.

So it’s time to open a 529 and what better way* to invest than college football picks.

Note: there are much better ways to invest money and neither I, nor BHGP, are liable for any losses you may endure as a result of any “advice.”


The ground rules:

  • No more than 20% wagered per week
  • No more than 5% on a single bet

Last week:

  • 400 units on TCU +125 to beat ISU (net -400 units)
  • 480 units on Georgia -20.5 and Alabama -21.5 (net -480 units)
  • 220 units on South Carolina +3.5 (net -220 units)
  • 220 units on NC State +6.5 (net -220 units)

Bankroll: 8,700 units


The ponks aren’t on life support but they’re certainly not heading the direction we want to see after four weeks of football and three weeks of wagering. The only win on these here pages are from Louisiana’s straight up win three weeks ago.

Iowa State did what they had to do and came away with the the W, turning TCU’s town into Ft. orth. Georgia got going very slowly in nearby Fayetteville which made the tease look good for a solid 119:59 of gametime before Missouri’s last second cover made that bet as useful as a ketchup popsicle. South Carolina was fine until they weren’t and the same could even be said for NC State.

0-fer.

My mention of an off books bet even proved to jinx the Heat and really upset BHGP’s resident Miami fan, Matt Cabel. Sorry Matt.

No matter, we still have Chelsea and Christian Pulisic.

Anyways, let’s fire up the ole betting machine and see if we can make these ponks a little less confused.

Week 5 time and there are officially too many games in my William Hill app to count as it constantly reloads. Just three more weekends until we can all lose money on the Iowa Hawkeyes!

Because I can’t help myself with SEC teases:

Alabama Crimson Tide (-18) at Texas A&M Aggies; Auburn Tigers at Georgia Bulldogs (-7.5); LSU Tigers (-21) at Vanderbilt Commodores

How do you know you’ve met a Texas A&M alum? If you can’t tell by their ring, you can sure as hell tell by the “gig ‘em” they say to the other nearby ringbearer. I shudder from the hundreds of times I heard it while living in Dallas.

I have no snark for any other programs this week. But don’t trust any favorite to cover the full balance, so we’ll take 7 points off each of these.

The pick: 7-point tease Alabama (-11), Georgia (-0.5), and LSU (-14) to +130, 218 units to return 500

How about a couple more road favorites??

Western Kentucky Hilltoppers (-7) at MTSU Blue Raiders; Navy Midshipmen (-7) at Air Force Falcons

In the first game, both teams are winless. I don’t care because MTSU is genuinely horrible.

The second? Air Force has 40 players opting out. That’s a lot.

The picks: Western Kentucky -7, 220 units to win 420; Navy -7, 220 units to win 420

Why do I do this to myself?

Oklahoma Sooners at Iowa State Cyclones (+7.5; O/U: 63.5)

I was genuinely disappointed when Gookin’s stat didn’t pan out. There’s nothing I like more than making a little lettuce on the back of an Iowa State loss.

But I’m in a pickle here. I don’t trust OU any further than I can throw ‘em (not far) and am duty-bound never to bet Iowa State.

So where does that leave me? Betting the OVER. These teams have combined for 83, 64, and 69 points each of their last three meetings. Let’s bet the points.

The pick: Oklahoma/ISU over 63.5, 330 units to return 630


Hopefully when we return to this page next week with a little more moolah or the bets are just going to get smaller.

Bankroll:
7,712 units

Outstanding bets:
Alabama -11, Georgia -0.5, and LSU -14 (returns 500)
Western Kentucky -7 (returns 420)
Navy -7 (returns 420)
OU/ISU over 63.5 points (returns 630)
Chelsea +800 to win Premier League (returns 4,005 units)