For those of you who may not know but ahead of this season, my lovely wife gave birth to our baby boy. He’s adorable. But he’ll need money for college assuming he doesn’t grow up to be a 6’4” point god or TikTok star and it still costs a pretty penny to attend.

So it’s time to open a 529 and what better way* to invest than college football picks.

Note: there are much better ways to invest money and neither I, nor BHGP, are liable for any losses you may endure as a result of any “advice.”

---

The ground rules:

• No more than 20% wagered per week
• No more than 5% on a single bet

Last week:

• 218 units Alabama -11, Georgia -0.5, and LSU -14 (net +282 units)
• 220 units on Western Kentucky -7 (net -220 units)
• 220 units on Navy -7 (net -220 units)
• 330 units on OU/ISU over 63.5 points (net +300 units)

Bankroll: 8,842 units

---

And we are back.

Any movement in the right direction is movement we will take with the ponks, starting with the SEC teaser. Now, haters of teasers (a fair distaste if I do say so myself) would counter with: all of those teams covered without the extra seven points and, really, there’s no argument there.

Iowa State did the kind thing in a tie ballgame and the OVER on the line. They could have come away with the W by simply kicking the field goal and making Vegas look like geniuses at 63 total points, a half-point shy of the line. Thankfully, our biggest bet came through with the W.

Road favorites were a bold choice with the other two bets. Do I have regrets? Sure. But we always regret our losses.

Now it’s time to fire up the ole betting machine after a hellweek at work and a 5 PM Red Bull I had on my way from the grocery store to the liquor store. Gotta get that rum to celebrate Mai Taiberfest.

It’s week six now and honestly, we should just be calling it week negative one. The real football begins when our beloved Hawkeyes take the field, which would make October 23rd-24th week one.

Now that I think about it, maybe the real football doesn’t begin until MACTION starts up but that’s too much math.

Once again, the SEC tease:

Alabama Crimson Tide (-23.5) at Ole Miss Rebels; Tennessee Volunteers at Georgia Bulldogs (-12.5); LSU Tigers (-14.5) at Missouri Tigers

If these three teams feel familiar, it’s because they are. Alabama, Georgia, and LSU all did what we expect them to do and blow out their competition. So let’s go back to the well with them this week.

The Missouri/LSU matchup is a reminder that a conference shouldn’t have more than one team with the same nickname and the SEC manages to have two pairs of repeats!

But let’s leave those extra points on the board and make this a straight parlay, +600. They’re the class of the conference.

The pick: Parlay Alabama (-23.5), Georgia (-12.5), and LSU (-14.5) for +600, 200 units to 1400.

Oklahoma can’t lose three straight, can they??

Oklahoma Sooners (-3) v Texas Longhorns

This time of year, I would normally be guzzling a Bloody Mary out of a Camelbak on my way to Austin City Limits to hang out at the overpriced beer tent to watch some football (almost always this game) and listen to some cool tunes a football field’s length away. There is also a non-zero chance I would be trying to find a signal so I can stream some of the Iowa game like a friggin’ degenerate.

But I have a baby and the world has a pandemic.

An aside: the first time I heard Lizzo music was under the circumstances described above. She couldn’t find her phone. Two years later, she was headlining.

Anyways, one of these teams has championship DNA and it will show.

The pick: Oklahoma -3, 220 units to win 420

Can TCU keep it going?

Kansas State Wildcats (+9.5; ML: +280) at TCU Horned Frogs

The Horned Frogs are coming off a big win against Texas but we here at the ponks don’t find it all that impressive. I mean, Texas.

KSU has had a couple kinda tight wins and currently sits tied for first in the conference but that’s just where they want you. Their biggest conference win under Chris Klieman in a game which didn’t involve Kansas is 10 points last year to ISU. Plus, their loss to Arkansas State is way in the rearview mirror.

Somehow we’re going to end up getting Farmageddon in back-to-back weeks this winter.

The pick: Kansas State +280, 200 units to return 760

---

We’ve got some heavy odds against our favor this week but that’s just the way we roll here at the ponks.

Bankroll:
8.222 units

Outstanding bets:
Alabama -23.5, Georgia -12.5, and LSU -14.5 (returns 1400)
Oklahoma -3 v. Texas (returns 420)
Kansas State ML at TCU (returns 760)
Chelsea +800 to win Premier League (returns 4,005 units)