So the Big Ten has at least two good teams and as many as four serviceable teams. That’s more than usual!
The Big Ten being bad is a running joke in here, but I mean come on. Michigan SUCKS. Nebraska and Illinois should be relegated to the MAC. Rutgers needs to quit playing football and my most recent Bumble date has a better throwing motion than Hunter Johnson.
Let’s just get this over with.
1. Wisconsin (3-0, 1-0)
I mean, is this the best Wisconsin team since Russell Wilson? Jonathan Taylor is probably better than Ron Dayne and Jack Coan is goddam surgeon. I don’t care how bad Michigan is, the Badgers had their way with the Wolverines for 60 minutes and I’m so scared of this squad.
2. Ohio State (4-0, 1-0)
Justin Fields had five touchdowns in the second quarter against Miami the Lesser. That is all.
3. Iowa (3-0, 1-0)
The Hawkeyes won the bye week after moving up four spots in the AP poll by not playing anyone. Remember when you guys were mad Iowa only moved up one spot after beating Iowa State last week?
4. Penn State (3-0)
Penn State moved up one spot from No. 13 to 12 in the AP rankings after also taking on a bye. They’re at Maryland Friday night and I would not be at all surprised if they lost in front of everyone.
5. Michigan State (3-1, 1-0)
The Spartans just sat on Northwestern for four quarters and gave Fat Pitzgerald a wet willy all night long. Can’t wait for Northwestern to get its shit together by the time Iowa gets to town.
6. Minnesota (3-0)
I hate myself for doing this, so I’m just going to deflect my blame to all my family members who attended/are attending Minnesota.
Uncle Johnny can kick rocks!
7. Michigan (2-1, 0-1)
Let’s take a look at this first half drive chart for Michigan!
Go into half with our tail between our legs.
And then this:
“Fuck me.”-Jim Harbaugh is every Michigan fan right now pic.twitter.com/uQPrzfz1ae— Mark Graham (@unclegrambo) September 21, 2019
Can’t wait for Gookin to come in here and not be convinced that Harbaugh is saying what he’s clearly saying.
I also can’t wait for Michigan to get their shit together in time for Iowa in two weeks.
8. Northwestern (1-2, 0-1)
I’m putting them here because they actually played a real game this weekend. I know what I just said.
9. Nebraska (3-1, 1-0)
Honestly, I never thought the Huskers would get his high but it’s mostly a function of 1. getting a conference win and 2. playing Illinois. Lovie Smith blew a 14-point lead and allowed 700 yards of offense and still had Nebraska on the wire in the fourth quarter.
Corn Nation thinks they can beat Ohio State next week, which uh yeah cool. Remember when you allowed Illinois to score 38 points against you? Think you’ll survive four lost fumbles to ANY TEAM IN THE COUNTRY THAT ISN’T ILLINOIS?!?!
10. Indiana (3-1, 0-1)
11. Maryland (2-1)
I guess you could say I’m still riding that Syracuse high.
12. Purdue (1-2)
The fact there were so many teams on a bye make writing this really quite difficult.
If blogging were easy, everyone would do it.
13. Illinois (2-2, 0-1)
If Illinois had beat Nebraska I honestly woulda put them in my top 5. Grrrrrr.
I count one more win for Illinois this year.
14. Rutgers (1-2, 0-1)
Rutgers doesn’t even know how to celebrate a touchdown since they’re so rare. I feel good about putting them here.