Alright boys and girls, your favorite Iowa football blogger’s favorite Iowa football blogger spent the whole weekend watching film and getting catfished, and I came to the following conclusion:
Out of roughly nine games, I witnessed two good coaching jobs Saturday. Minnesota, and LSU. Everyone else is a complete and total dunce. Why is managing a clock and calling plays so hard? Even Paul Chryst tried to hand Iowa a win by not having Jack Coan hand off the ball. James Franklin continues to not know how the rules of football work and Mark Dantonio once again emerged victorious after declaring psychological warfare on his quarterback.
And we haven’t even gotten to Iowa yet.
1. Ohio State (9-0, 6-0)
Ohio State fessing up to Chase Young’s crimes is noble. Noble, but stupid.
Maryland had T W O running backs rush for at least -20 yards against the mighty mighty Buckeyes.
2. Minnesota (9-0, 6-0)
I’m very happy for all my friends and family who blew up my phone after Minnesota won yesterday. I’m most happy for my brother-in-law who called me five times after the win. He holds an undergraduate degree from North Dakota State and nowhere else. Congrats on winning the only meaningful game the Gophers have played in since 1968.
Iowa is going to beat Minnesota this weekend because this game is utterly meaningless to us.
3. Penn State (8-1, 5-1)
Remember when that Penn State fan was in here all mad that I didn’t have the Lions ranked higher than 3? Well now I’m pissed I can’t rank them lower than 3 so I understand their frustration I guess.
4. Wisconsin (7-2, 4-2)
Wisconsin is not good. Paul Chryst looks like a ham sandwich and Jonathan is the only good player on the Badgers. I hate everything.
5. Michigan (7-2, 4-2)
Michigan is going to pull out a 10-win season somehow isn’t it?
6. Indiana (7-2, 4-2)
Enjoy it while you can, Indiana fan who is desperately trying to get people to care about Indiana football.
7. Illinois (6-4, 4-3)
Indiana and Illinois are above Iowa in the power rankings. This might be the worst thing going on in my life right now.
Illinois had 36 rushing yards and overcame a 25-point deficit to become bowl-eligible for the first time since I’ve been of drinking age. Iowa is no longer the best college team in Illinois, unfortunately.
8. Iowa (6-3, 8-3)
Does anyone think things are going to get better for Iowa in the next five years? We have beaten Wisconsin approximately once (1) since I was a freshman at the school and that is simply unacceptable. Especially gross when you consider the fact the one win in that timeframe was because Joel Stave tripped on his center’s feat at the goal line. There are no moral victories in the blog game, and I’ve got nothing to good to say about this team right now. Call me when Iowa gets a coach who knows how to manage a clock and score touchdowns.
9. Purdue (4-6, 3-4)
Purdue benefits by not being Michigan State, Maryland, Rutgers, Nebraska or Northwestern. Seriously, the Boilermakers are on their third string QB and they still look better than Iowa.
10. Michigan State (4-5, 2-4)
Please don’t leave the cupboard bare for when Phil Parker takes over in two years.
11. Nebraska (4-5, 2-4)
Can’t wait for Nebraska-Maryland in two weeks.
12. Maryland (3-7, 1-6)
I want to rank them lower after giving up 73 to Ohio State, but I just can’t with Northwestern and Rutgers still around.
13 & 14. Rutgers & Northwestern (not necessarily in that order)
Since Rutgers and Northwestern don’t play each-other this year, I declare Martial Law and demand commencement of the Rutgers Classic.