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Michigan Wolverines 10, Iowa Hawkeyes 3: SACKED

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U-G-L-Y, OFFENSE DON’T GOT NO ALIBI, YOU UGLY, YEAH, YEAH YOU UGLY

NCAA Football: Iowa at Michigan Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

Just a friendly reminder, I write all of this in real time and I don’t edit before posting because editing is for Monday’s and there’s beers to drink. Basically, I want you to read this as a running diary of the game. All (over) reactions must be accepted and forgiven as I am just an optimistic fan boy that gets to write for a blog. Thank you.

Pregame

Only Lee Corso believes... this is exactly where we want the Wolverines. Let’s do this.

1st Quarter

Michigan elects to take the ball and the opening play is an option to Zach Charbonnet that goes for seven yards. Michigan quickly gets up to the line and Charbonnet breaks off another seven yard run. Settle down boys. Settle down. On the next two plays we finally get an up close and personal look at Patterson in the passing game. The first attempt was almost picked (should’ve been picked honestly) and the next was a little flip pass that he somehow threw 10 yards above his runningback’s head. On third down, Iowa dials up a little stunt with Chauncey Golston that gets pressure right in Pattersons face, he chucks it in the air and that could’ve been picked too. PUNT.

On the first play of the Iowa drive, Mekhi Sargent doesn’t go down fighting for extra yards on a blown up play and ends up fumbling and turning the ball over. Michigan ball on Iowa’s 18-yard line. Not a great time for Iowa’s second turnover of the season.

NOT GREAT BOB!

After three quick plays that go absolutely no where, the Iowa defense holds Michigan to just a field goal. What a huge stand and a series that could literally mean the difference between winning and losing this game down the line.

On the first play of Iowa’s second drive, BF rolls Stanley out right and he finds Brandon Smith for a quick first down. Alright, back to the basics. Sargent gets the carry on the next play and it goes for five. Everyone ok now? We good boys? Can we just play football the way we know how now? Apparently not... Sleepy punt... for 28-yard.

Patterson finds Nico Collins one-on-one with DJ Johnson for a 51-yard reception that puts the ball down on the Iowa 19-yard line. Collins went up for the rebound and wouldn’t be denied. Great throw and catch. A few plays later Charbonnet punches it in for his fourth touchdown of the year.

10-0, eckkkkk.

On the kick off, Ihmir Smith Marsette realized the Hawkeyes back was against the ropes and did what he’s done all season long and made a big time play with a return that puts Iowa at the 50-yard line. And just like that, Nate Stanley is sacked after an incompletion and it’s 3rd and 16. BF elects to fun the football and another effing punt. Two passes and a run with the ball on the 50 yard line. TWO PASSES AND A RUN WITH THE BALL ON THE 50 EFFING YARD LINE...

And of course Peoples-Jones, not to be outdone by ISM, breaks off a 34-yard punt return, fumbles, recovers and Michigan is on its own 40. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA YA GOTTA LAUGH. On the next play, Michigan fumbles and recovers again. And on the next play Patterson throws it up for grabs again and Geno Stone picks it off!! FINALLY! FINALLY! A BREAK OUR WAY!

OR not...Nate Stanley gets picked off on the right side of the field throwing an effing fade on double coverage. I hate everything. I hate that my co-host has me so inside my head about how bad Stanley is throwing right. I hate that we gave Michigan 10-points in a shit game like this. I hate that Michigan just went 3-and-out because that means more heart ache from Road Nate...

Facing an early 3rd-and-long, Stanley finds Nico Ragaini in the soft spot of the zone and takes a little lick in the face. Stood in there and made a play. It’s a positive. Then Brian Ferentz who is super suspect right now calls for a reverse to ISM that goes for another loss. Iowa needs to score on this drive and we’re out here acting as if we’re up six. Thankfully (knocking on all the wood), Nate seems to have settled down and is delivering key throws to move the chains. Iowa is in the redzone to end the first and Tyler Goodson is looking like the key to opening this game up for Iowa. Dude is just making tons and tons of plays this drive.

Everybody wave!

Second Quarter

Some plays happened, Iowa got closer and ultimately faced 3rd-and-goal from the 4-yard line, Nate throws a fade up to Oliver Martin who gets his entire jersey obviously yanked and the ref deems the ball uncatchable. LITERALLY mugged out there and nothing. Of course it wasn’t catchable, because Martin got yanked!

Also, running a fade to Oliver? Is that really an advantageous play for Iowa who desperately needed six there?

Dunc does what Dunc does.

10-3, points are good. And I still hate Joel Klatt.

Geno Stone, who picked off Patterson earlier, knocks the ball away on what could’ve been another first down and then flies up field to make a one-on-one stop on a pitch play to close up a third-and-long situation. Michigan punts again and Stone deserves the game ball already.

Stanley throws the ball away on first down, is indecisive on second and takes a seven yard sack, false start for a little extra seasoning and it literally means nothing as Stanley finds Brandon Smith for a 34-yard completion TO THE RIGHT! SUCK ON THAT DC!

A few plays later, the Hawkeyes face 3rd-and-6 and the refs finally give Iowa another call by giving Tracy a beautiful spot on a catch that was very, very close to the actual line to gain. And after an Official Review, it’s confirmed. First down Hawks. I have literally no idea how this is happening, but it’s about damn time we got a little good juju our way. A play or two later, Nate Stanley gets called for intentional grounding and Iowa faces yet another third and super long. Incomplete. Nate needs to know that getting six to eight yards at least makes a field goal more reasonable. That or a 4th down try. Weird, weird day decision wise for everyone on the Iowa sideline. Delay of game. Punt.

AJE lands home on first down and it couldn’t have been more timely. Second down, Patterson flips it to the RB for a loss of one to make it 3rd-and-17 and Michigan is stuff on third. Huge moment for Iowa here with a little more than four minutes of clock remaining before the half. Tie the game here and get the ball back starting the third quarter.

After a great return by Ragaini, ISM gets held but another no call, they run on second for no gain, and just like a good neighbor, ISM is there for a huge first down and we’re back in business... until Nate is picked off down the right sideline again. Might have been the best long pass of the season, that is, if Michigan’s defender was a wideout.

IF IOWA DIDN’T CALL ANOTHER FADE ROUTE, THAT WOULD BE GREAT!

That face, that face is exactly how it feels being a Nate Stanley stan today... ugh.

Some weird timeout calls by Kirk and some big time runs puts Michigan in position to throw a Hail Mary to end the half and Golston is called for illegal hands to the face giving Michigan an untimed down on the Iowa 40-yard line. Field goal for Michigan is out for a 58-yarder...missed it.

PHEW

10-3 at halftime. This thing is still some how up for the taking.

Third Quarter

Toren Young gets the second half starter with a beautiful 15-yard run. After another three yards, Nate rolls right, hands onto the ball for too long and eventually take a sack when he had 18-opportunities to throw it out of bounds. Third and way too long leads to a classic BF screen call to Mekhi Sargent for yet another long third down conversion and Iowa is in Michigan territory. This game is absolutely bonkers. On 3rd-and-3 Michigan overloads the left side and Nate has to get rid of the ball too early. Offense stays on the field and...picked off. Just run the ball on third if the FG is never in the plans guys! Come on. It’s not hard.

4-turnovers for Iowa, on the road, at Michigan. Woof.

Michigan gets to midfield and is shut down again. Iowa defense holding and holding and holding. It’s as if they’re Spiderman holding the train from falling completely off the tracks. But the webs are starting to slip. It’s time for the Iowa offense to get their heads out of their asses.

Tyrone Tracy shakes loose on a crossing route on second down to move the chains. More of that please. And after another fake holding call and some pressure, Iowa is punting again. Iowa has 2-penalties against them. I don’t even know what to say anymore.

On 3rd-and-6, Patterson breaks contain while AJE gets mugged by three lineman for the first down. Michigan immediately losses all of that yardage on first down, Patterson get sacked on second down and on 3rd-and-26, PAtterson flips it to Charbonnet for a few yards. Punt.

For the second week in a row, a pass is tipped and finds its way into the hands of an Iowa receiver for a big gain. And then a run goes nowhere and Stanley gets sacked again and just like that it’s third-and-long at the Michigan 39 going into the fourth quarter. This game is yours Iowa. We just need one more play. One more big time, third down play.

4th Quarter

Incomplete. Stanley for how bad he’s been literally doens’t have much time to do anything anyways. Punt. Touchback. ugh.

Three straight completions and Michigan is in Iowa territory. Bend but don’t break. Secondary comes up huge again and plugs another hole in the boat. Michigan lines up for the field goal to make this what looks to be an insurmountable 10-point lead and THEY MISS IT. MICHIGAN MISSES IT! WIDE RIGHT! WIDE RIGHT! WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED IOWA? WHAT MORE DO YOU NEEEEED TO STEAL THIS GAME?!

And for the 106th time today, Iowa seems to be doing a little something offensively and Nate Stanley take a big sack. Six sacks today for Michigan. SIX! And before I could even finish that last sentence on 3rd-and-long Nate’s sacked again.

Seven and counting now. Punt.

Michigan punt.

Two or three plays on the drive and Iowa is back in Michigan territory. Two big time holding calls after a dime by Nate moves them back and Iowa is facing 1st-and-30. Literally can’t stop themselves from hurting themselves. And now we’re running the 5-yard out route offense because of course. Ineligible receiver down field on second down is declined. Then a false start on the offensive line. 3rd & 24. Stanley sacked. This is the worst offensive line implosion I’ve ever seen. Every time Iowa almost gets into the redzone, the offensive line gets overloaded and Nate goes down.

Eight sacks. Eight penalties. Seven punts. One giant pathetic performance from the offense.

Once again, Iowa D shuts Michigan down. Punt.

One last chance...

FAIL.