At any date in the history of time, if I were to tell you that Minnesota would be leading the Big Ten West at any point of any given season would you believe me? No. You would not. And you would tell this shaggy looking bum to get out of the middle of the crosswalk.
But here we are, in the dregs of October with Goldy the Glorified Rat running the show and towing boats and making the most of a Charmin schedule and of the worst loss in the history of the Big Ten.
Congrats, Wisconsin. Welcome to the kids table at the wedding. All it takes is one adult to get blacked out or eat some shellfish and we’re BACK to finding new ways to shoot ourselves in the foot on the hitchhike to Indy.
So here’s how things shake out. Caveat: I did not watch a single snap of any college football whatsoever this weekend, and I have no intentions to do so.
1. Ohio State (7-0, 4-0)
The game against Wisconsin this week just got a lot less interesting! Midwesterners I was with this past weekend for a wedding party were bitching it was an 11AM game. Well, now you know why. The schedulemakers just knew Wisconsin would play itself out of primetime sooner than later.
2. Minnesota (7-0, 4-0)
Putting them here just to disrespect Penn State. And maybe all my family from Minnesota will finally read this thing for once.
3. Penn State (7-0, 4-0)
Penn State doesn’t deserve to be here. You know it, I know it. As far as I’m concerned, the Nits are Minnesota Lite until proven otherwise.
4. Wisconsin (6-1, 3-1)
Do we really think Wisconsin deserves to be this high after losing to Illinois? No. Is there anyone else I can put here without getting a flaming bag of poo thrown through my DMs? Also no.
5. Iowa (5-2, 2-2)
This team S T I N K S. Glad to see Riley Moss had a redemption of sorts, but by all accounts Iowa should’ve put this one away easily. What gives guys?! Iowa needs more blankets and less blankets at the same time!
6. Michigan (5-2, 3-2)
Should definitely be ahead of Iowa.
7. Indiana (5-2, 2-2)
Fun fact, Indiana is favored AT Nebraska this weekend.
That’s your reward for allowing Maryland to score 28 on you, I guess.
8. Illinois (3-4, 1-3)
The Kings of the Land of Lincoln get their own spot here for what they did to the Badge. Rose Bowl year with Juice aside, is that the biggest win in Illinois football history? Someone answer me.
9-13. Northwestern, Maryland, Nebraska, Michigan State, Purdue
I just want to use this space to talk about the one college football play I did see all weekend:
Oh yeah that’s the stuff!
14. Rutgers (doesn’t matter)
Standing up in a wedding with a bunch of Badgers in Milwaukee this weekend. That’ll be fun!