For the first time in a while it feels like the Big Ten might actually be good? Ohio State and Wisconsin are the Reeldeel, Penn State could maybe do something and who knows what the hell is going on with Minnesota.
Meanwhile, Iowa is the fringe cousin, sitting at the table at the wedding with all the significant others of people who are in the wedding party. The wedding party guests are perched atop the head table with better food and $1,000 flower arrangements, staring down at all us plebes.
Iowa is the wedding guest that tears up the dance floor for a couple songs while stealing more than a couple looks along the way. Iowa then proceeds to slug a few gin and sodas, hits the dance floor again only to step on the literal and figurative toes of bridesmaids, killing any goodwill it had built up earlier when the bride was bragging to all her single friends about what a great guy her cousin is.
We’re still talking about Iowa football, right?
1. Ohio State (6-0, 3-0)
The Buckeyes actually have a tougher schedule if you account for Penn State being a real team. They had a bye this week and get to warm up against Northwestern before they take on Wisconsin and that’s the game of the year boys and girls.
2. Wisconsin (6-0, 3-0)
Some quick stats on Wisconsin:
- The No. 1 scoring defense in the nation at 4.8 points/game (the Big Ten has four of the top five scoring defenses in the country; Iowa is No. 5 at 10.2)
- The No. 8 scoring offense in the country at 42.5 points/game
[Editor’s Note: Iowa is not only 4 spots behind in scoring offense.]
- That’s it. That’s the whole Tweet.
3. Penn State (6-0, 3-0)
I’m still not sold on Penn State being good as much as I am on Iowa being bad, but give credit where credit’s due, I guess. The Nits will have their chance to run the table, but Iowa gave everyone the BLUEPRINT on how to beat Penn State’s offense. You can just fast forward the parts where Iowa is on offense, Ryan Day.
4. Minnesota (6-0, 3-0)
Minnesota’s best win is still against a 2-3 Fresno State team but I don’t care. The Gophers are 6-0 for the first time since 2003 and you have to start acknowledging the Gilded Rodents could possibly be 9-0 when they come to Iowa City in November. They’ll definitely be no worse than 8-1 with games against Rutgers, Maryland and Penn State between now and then. And I do NOT want a Kirk Ferentz matchup against a psychotic and undefeated PJ Fleck.
5. Michigan (5-1, 3-1)
Shea Patterson still stinks but it doesn’t matter when you play Illinois.
The Illini scored 25 points against Michigan. Let that sink in when you think about Iowa’s offensive performance against the Wolverines.
And to the Michigan fan who inundates (look it up) these comments: your missives (look it up) are almost as dry as Zingerman’s pastrami.
6. Iowa (4-2, 1-2)
The Hawkeyes don’t deserve to be this high, but here we are.
Is Kirk Ferentz a bigger snake oil salesman than PJ Fleck? The Former sells discipline and tradition and NFL pedigrees veiled as gridiron success and the latter sells winning football games. One team is undefeated and the other isn’t. Minnesota’s schedule reeks to high hell but at least they beat a directional Dakota school!
7. Michigan State (4-3, 2-2)
Phil Parker to Michigan State?
8. Indiana (4-2, 1-2)
I can’t name a single player on Indiana. And I don’t have to.
9. Purdue (2-4, 1-2)
Jack Plummer passed for 420 yards and three touchdowns against Maryland in a 40-14 win.
King Doerue ran for 69 yards and a score in the game.
Iowa is losing to Purdue this week.
10-13: Nebraska, Northwestern & Illinois
I already mentioned how Illinois scored nine times as many points against Michigan than Iowa, but let’s talk about Nebraska. I think UW-Milwaukee could beat this sorry ass Husker team and has there ever been a more overrated squad in the preseason in the history of preseasons?
Minnesota completed just 8 passes against Nebraska, but that doesn’t matter when you run for just shy of 400 yards. How many walk-ons are starting on this team? How many true freshmen? Remember when Nebraska fans said they aren’t worried about their defense and we said you’re dumb?
14. Rutgers (0-and forever)
Rutgers is 130th out of 130 teams in the country in scoring offense.
Whoops, forgot to talk about Northwestern.