The Pants Predicts: College Football Week Three

Howdy.

There’s a whole bunch of crap again this weekend as we suffer through the Urban Meyer Carousel and the Tale of Two Tigers.

And then that’s it. I guess Iowa plays UNI, and we’re going to feast on that like the animals we are but that doesn’t make it right.

Or maybe it does, idk.

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Northern Iowa at Iowa (6:30 pm, BTN)

Max: I haven’t seen anything from Iowa’s offense yet this season which gives me some worry, but I don’t think that UNI will be the team to crack the code against the Hawks either. This is gonna be a stinker. Iowa 30, UNI 13.

Jordan H: UNI scored 23 points in the second half against Montana and lost 26-23. Luckily Iowa’s a second-half team. Iowa 20, UNI 10

Mattcabel: I think there’s just too much of a strength and conditioning gap here. Panthers run out of gas late. Iowa 27, UNI 17.

JPinIC: I’m hoping this is the week we see the Iowa offense try to figure some things out and get rolling. My gut tells me they don’t. Either way, this defense is giving up 5 points per game. Do you think UNI scores more than NIU or ISU? Iowa 24, UNI 3

Trez: Our offensive points up some points, but it won’t be with regularity. The defense continues to dominate though. With our offense stalling on a few possessions we put UNI in FG range, but win in a route. Iowa 33, UNI 6

Hello Jerry: Get us to Wisconsin. Iowa 31, UNI 9.

Ben: 24-17 Iowa

BoilerHawk: It’ll resemble the NIU game but with more oomph. 40-10, Iowa

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#4 Ohio State vs. #15 TCU (7pm, ABC)

Max: I don’t think TCU is that good? I don’t really know, but Ohio State is still Ohio State and that’s good enough for me to expect a victory from the Buckeyes. OSU 38, TCU 21.

Jordan H: This is going to be like Frogger, but in real life. Ohio State 49, TCU 24

Mattcabel: Ohio State wins big, I think. 55-24, OSU.

JPinIC: So far, this season reminds me of the ol’ Patriots F you seasons. The Buckeyes are going to run up the score on everyone just to prove that keeping a coach around after he beat his wife and then lying about it is worth it if you win enough (IT’S NOT!). OSU 51, TCU 17

Trez: TCU will keep this thing close for the 1st four minutes then unravel. Unfortunately, OSU is just too good in every aspect. OSU 49, TCU 10

Hello Jerry: I totally agree with JPinIC on this. Ohio State is going to try their best to Thanos their way through this entire college football season. Give me the Buckeyes 41-17.

Ben: 49-35 TCU

Boiler: My sense is that if OSU misses Urban, it’s for this game. I still think they can out-athlete darn near every team on the planet. Close for a half but OSU pulls away in the 4th: 42-24

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#12 LSU at #7 Auburn (2:30 pm, CBS)

Max: Everyone is showing a lot of love to LSU but I don’t think this is it. Tigers 9, Tigers 6, and everyone calls it a good game.

Jordan H: There’s currently a petition floating around to release Mike the Tiger. Weird. No. 12 Tigers 24, No. 7 Tigers 20, Petitions 0.

Mattcabel: USC should have hired Ed Orgeron. LSU 27, Auburn 24.

JPinIC: LSU is on everyone’s love list, but I don’t see it. Gimme Auburn 24, LSU 17

Trez: LSU is coming into hostile territory and Auburn continues their hot start and downs another ranked team early in the season. Auburn 21, LSU 13

Hello Jerry: I LOVE LSU. I LOVE COACH O. I think these dudes have legit grit and a quarterback for the first time since Crunk Juice himself. Give me LSU 21, Auburn 20.

Ben: 17-10 LSU

Boiler: The first of many wedding festivities for my fiancé and me begin this weekend. It’s tailgate-themed and slated to start around the second half of this game. Home field advantage tips it. 28-20, Auburn

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#22 USC at Texas (7pm, FOX)

Max: I don’t think Texas is very good but my god look at that picture of Matthew McConaughey. Almost makes me wanna pick the Longhorns but I won’t. USC 37, Texas with a dollar sign in front of it 16.

Jordan H: Texas is back and you heard it here first folks. Texas 27, USC 20

Mattcabel: ...I see why nobody picked USC last week. However, I’m going to go ahead and pick them again here because I hate myself and I hate Texas. If Maryland can beat Texas, USC certainly can. USC 24, Texas 17.

JPinIC: Texas is somehow favored in this one. Which to me, says that people in Texas like to bet on the Longhorns and Vegas knows it. Because they are most definitely not back. I get it, USC didn’t look great against Stanford, but Texas ain’t Stanford. USC 35, Texas 24

Trez: I completely agree with our BHGP experts. USC ain’t no Stanford, but they’re a hell of a lot better than Maryland. At this point Texas is hoping for an Iowa State-like intervention and the bad weather in the Gulf will save them. It won’t. USC 27, Texas 13

Hello Jerry: You want my opinion? My honest to goodness opinion? I dont want to watch either of these teams play football right now… and that’s coming from someone that loves watching Texas football (it’s a family thing, and yes it feels crummy) and will watch this game. I’ll take the Longhorns to flirt with being back, 24-21.

Ben: 45-10 USC

Boiler: A fifth game! Wth, Max?! [editor’s note: there are not five games, boilerhawk] Anyways, both teams are coming off of demoralizing losses. I took a look at Texas’s history this week and it’s not nearly as illustrious as they would have you believe. Get ready for plenty of Fight On. 45-25, USC