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The Pants Predicts: Week 1 College Football Games

Back for another season of meaningless predictions.

Iowa v Nebraska Photo by Steven Branscombe/Getty Images

With the return of college football comes the return of college football predictions. Normally, we would pick every single Big Ten game on the docket each week. However, because a lot of those games look reaallllllly unappealing on paper, we decided we’d shake things up this season and pick some more intriguing matchups this year. While Iowa will obviously be a staple in predictions, we hope to bring a little more variety to the weekly predictions with games from outside the conference.

With that said, please enjoy us all picking Iowa to win a football game this weekend. Fingers crossed that we’re right.

Duke v Northern Illinois Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Iowa vs Northern Illinois (2:30pm, BTN)

Max Brekke: I think this one is going to be close for a while, but Iowa should be able to wear down a smaller team on their way to victory. Northern Illinois scores first, but Iowa with 24 unanswered points to end this baby. Iowa 24, Northern Illinois 10.

Jordan H: Remember Jordan Lynch? He’s a high school football coach now. Iowa 37, NIU 10

JPinIC: Sutton Smith has the potential to be a problem for the Hawkeyes, but I don’t think the offense scares anyone and I have faith in Brian Ferentz figure out a way to slow Smith down. Iowa 38, NIU 17

Jordan G: My first instinct is Closer Than The Experts Think, but after further review I’m not sure the Huskies are capable of scoring 10 points in this one. Iowa 31, Northern Illinois 13

Trez: These guys are extra motivated to get KF his record setting win. I’m not guessing it, I’m telling you with 100% accuracy. Iowa 27, NIU 13.

Hello Jerry: This is going to be closer than I think any of us would like early, but the Hawkeyes pull away in the 4th quarter as the offense galavanizes. Iowa 24, NIU 10.

Matt C: I’m really nervous about this game. I guess I’ll pick Iowa but it wouldn’t surprise me to see the NIU upset. 17-10, Iowa.

BoilerHawk: Iowa breaks in the new north end zone by using it in overtime. Iowa 20 - NIU 13.

Ben: 21-17 Iowa

MattReisener: Iowa keeps the ball on the ground to take Sutton Smith out of the equation and avoid risking Nate Stanley’s health with two starting tackles out. Iowa’s defensive newcomers show their youth at times, but the D-Line consistently wins the battle up front. Iowa 21, NIU 13.

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl - Auburn v Central Florida Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

#6 Washington vs. #9 Auburn (2:30pm, ABC)

Max: #6 vs. #9. Nice. My boldest prediction of 2018 is that a Pac-12 team wins the National Championship, and a victory would solidify the Huskies as a contender. Washington 37, Auburn 21.

Jordan H: One of these years it’ll be Iowa in a ranked matchup in Week 1. Someday. Auburn 30, Washington 24.

JPinIC: Washington traveling east to play Auburn in Atlanta. That has trouble written all over it. Auburn 27, Washington 24

Jordan G: I’m more confident in Washington running the table the rest of the way than I am in their chances to beat Auburn in Atlanta. Huskies lose, and still probably end up in the playoff picture at season’s end. Auburn 30, Washington 24.

Trez: There are too Auburn people here in Atlanta as is. This might as well be a home game for them, Mercedez-Benz Stadium will be packed with nasty orange. Auburn 24, Wash 20.

Hello Jerry: The Pac-12 still plays competitive college football? Auburn 27, Wash 17.

Matt C: Never choose Washington to win, ever. Auburn 24, Washington 17.

Boiler: I like the coaching matchup in Washington’s favor but think the cross-country trip into SEC country gives it to Auburn. 34-24, Tigers.

Ben: 35-31 Washington

MattReisener: Auburn hasn’t won a road game against a top-20 team since 2014, a streak which will continue in this neutral-site matchup. Stidham shines early, but Auburn’s line struggles to contain the Husky pash rush. Washington 24, Auburn 17.

Minnesota v Michigan Photo by Dave Reginek/Getty Images

#14 Michigan at #12 Notre Dame (6:30pm, NBC)

Max: Michigan finally has a quarterback and I hate Notre Dame. JABRILL with a pick-six and a safety. Michigan 32, Domers 13.

Jordan H: Jim Harbaugh is a fraud and somehow can’t develop talent. Notre Dame 24, Michigan 17.

JPinIC: I think Michigan is a bit overrated this year. Breaking in a new QB, regardles of how good he is or how much of a QB whisperer Harbaugh supposedly is. On the other hand, Notre Dame is ALWAYS overrated. Ugh. Notre Dame 24, Michigan 17

Jordan G: A safe rule is to almost always assume that Notre Dame is not nearly as good as the media thinks it is. Michigan 27, Notre Dame 24.

Trez: I once went to a ND game so I’m pretty much an expert. I don’t remember much but they won and they’ll win again here. ND 27, Mich 21.

Hello Jerry: I have a secret to tell you all… I kind of secretly love both of these teams. But, with that said, I don’t envision the Wolverines walking into Notre Dame Stadium for a cake walk. Give me Notre Dame 24, Michigan 17.

Matt C: I can never pick Notre Dame to win, ever. Michigan 28, Notre Dame 24.

Boiler: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEchigan. Their quest to a CFP berth starts NOW. Fighting Harbaughs take this one in enemy territory, 23-16.

Ben: 20-17 Michigan

MattReisener: These teams really haven’t played one another since Brady Hoke was at Michigan? The Shea Patterson hype train officially leaves the station, while Michigan’s defense officially reignites Notre Dame’s QB controversy. Michigan 31, Notre Dame 20.

NCAA Football: Hawaii at Colorado State Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Navy at Hawaii (10pm, CBS Sports Network)

Max: One team that loves to throw the ball. One team that doesn’t know how to do anything but run the ball. I cannot wait to stay up until 3am watching these very different teams, but BODY CLOCKS will be a major factor here. Hawaii 29, Navy 28.

Jordan H: At an average speed of 20 knots, it would take approximately 13 days, 20 hours to travel via boat from Baltimore to Honolulu. Hawai’i 34, Navy 31.

JPinIC: Look, I don’t know much about these teams. But here’s what I do know. Hawaii is an island. Navy is the midshipmen. Pearl Harbor. The Germans. And Hawaii used a 2-punter formation in week 0 (plus they played in week 0!). Navy 38, Hawaii 31, Nice Math

Jordan G: A match made for PlayStation 2. Navy 41, Hawaii 28.

Trez: The Navy? In Hawaii? This sounds like they’re filming Battleship 2. Please, please let this be real!!! Lieutenant Alex Hopper kicks a game winner in the 1st quarter. Navy 43, Hawaii 23.

Hello Jerry: Can we please have, like, Illinois hire my guy Ken Niumatalolo? I want to watch a Big Ten team run this offense so, so badly. Give me the Midshipman 33, Hawaii 24.

Matt C: Wish I had CBS Sports so I could watch this, but my body isn’t capable of staying up that late anymore. Navy wins, 28-17.

Boiler: I have similar concerns for Navy as I do for Washington. I went to Hawai’i this summer and let me tell you, the jet lag is REAL. They adjust after yielding an early lead, though. 31-28 Midshipmen

Ben: 38-0 Navy

MattReisener: Was Colt Brennan somehow improbably granted another year of eligibility? No? Well then. Navy 41, Hawaii 14.