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Comment Bag: Optimism, Best YouTube of the Week and Noah Fant

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It’s Friday... welcome to the mailbag

NCAA Football: Northern Illinois at Iowa Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports

Either I need to bury the Comment Bag, or you guys realllllly don’t like Iowa athletics right now. I’ll speak for you, and say that it’s the latter. But hey, at least basketball beat a ranked team last night with... squints... FREE THROWS AND HEADY DEFENSE? Maybe Fran will win all of our hearts back.

Either way, I wish you all a Happy Friday. I hope all of my fellow East Coasters were able to find their abandoned Hybrid cars safely this morning and that they weren’t buried in by the plows.


Hello Jerry Give me three reasons for optimism for this Illinois game Saturday...

— BenjaminRoss

Three reasons for optimism for the Illinois game. Three reasons. Man that’s a lot. But I’ll try:

  1. Well, for starters, the game is at 3:30 so you can sleep in a little. There’s nothing better than starting your Saturday with a little Jack Johnson “wake up slow” action. From there, maybe you hit the gym in preparation of reversing the long lasting effects of a silly game that will surely take a year or two off your life. Might I suggest deadlifts or squats to really push away the pain. From there, I’d hit the treadmill as Corso makes his headgear picks in sunny Orlando, Florida (it’s an easy way to hit 30 minutes of pure cardio). After that, go getyoself a treat. Perhaps a nice peppermint mocha coffee from The Bucks and the local newspaper before hunkering down in the warmth of your home while half watching some pretty trash contests that kick off at noon.
  2. I guess we’ll probably win and I guess that’s ultimately a good thing... unless of course you’re on team “FIRE AND FURY”, in which case, just take a nap.
  3. With a 3:30 kick time, the Hawkeyes can be a (unfulfilling) appetizer to the most important game in the state of Iowa that day... #16 Iowa State at #15 Texas.

How much alcohol do we need to imbibe to not be pissed off at Iowa Football squandering their opportunities?

and

What’s the best youtube video you’ve seen in the last week?

and

Best song of the last month?

— EnergizerHawk

Well, to answer your first question Energizer, I’d say you have two options here. You either: A.) Drink a fair amount of alcohol to allow yourself a good time... might I suggest some Dirty Shirley’s, extra cherries.

B.) Now this isn’t for everyone, but perhaps you don’t even bother with the booze, and instead, imbide in another vice that is much, MUCH better at helping you see what’s important — like, say, why Seaworld is a horrible place — while also making you appreciate the finer things life has to offer — like, say, why Cheesy Gordita Crunches are food for the soul.

In terms of the best YouTube video I’ve seen this week, it’s hands down a music video I didn’t know existed but truly brightened my week:

Do you like Ed Helms being as Nard Doggy as humanly possible? Do you enjoy Jason Sudeikis and Will Forte in all of their SNL “Last Call” glory? How about Jason Bateman grinding on a banjo ? Do you like spoofs on the ridiculousness of what the Mumford and Son’s represent (I mean this as a compliment, I swear) with an extra dash of denim shirts, vests and leather boots?

Well, then, there is literally no other video for you than the one I inserted above. I could literally watch the four of these guys do anything. All four of them are somehow so underrated, it’s scary (Bateman especially... but that’s from an Ozark stan). The way in which they sell this over acted performance is everything we all need in Hawkeye land.

You’re welcome.

And the “Best Song of the Last Month” is a hands down toss up between three contenders: Mo Bamba from Sheck Wes, thank u, next from the kween Ariana Grande and Sunflower from Posty and Swae Lee. Go ahead and try to tell me that all three of these songs don’t get the people going... BECAUSE YOU CAN’T!

Hello, Jerry: What is the best holiday drink? I know it depends on the type of situation (hot cocoa and schnapps on a cold day, Shiner Cheer at a party, eggnog around the fireplace), but there’s gotta be one that is best, right?

— Gookin

Man, an Iowa State football drop and the first ever question from Gookin. Things have really taken a turn for the worst here.

Being that this is a college blog, I think there is only one holiday drink that would suffice as “the best”... it’s the Apple Pie shot. Apple cider, apple juice, cinnamon sticks and Everclear vodka? It was good then and it’s still good now. Plus, that particular drink holds a special place in my heart as it was the very shot(s) my now wife and I had after an Iowa basketball game in which we decided we should probably date.

Hello Jerry: What is your prediction on Fant not playing in the bowl game due to his pending draft status? Do you think his not playing snaps will hurt his draft status?

— hawkeyeinidaho

I’m not sure I have a prediction on anything Fant or Iowa football related anymore. If I was Fant, I’d sit out. Hell, as I’ve said on Twitter (of which has been liked and retweeted by every member of the Fant family and Shaun Prater), I would highly consider taking a page out of the Bosa Family playbook and sit out the rest of the season.

I’d move to California, find the best possible trainers and chefs, and I’d make sure that I’m at an athletic peak the minute the combine comes around.

But that’s just me.

Obviously, just like everyone else, I don’t know shit about what’s happening in the coaches room or locker room. I don’t know if people love Fant, hate Fant, revere Fant or are just flat out sick of Fant. I don’t know if Kirk Ferentz is really the type of guy to blacklist one of his most prominent players who is probably a sure fire first round pick for looking out for his future earnings (something, you would think, a guy that makes over a million dollars in bonuses for winning eight games and being employed at the end of every January would surely understand) a la DJK. I don’t know if Kirk Ferentz is a spiteful old man that will never fully utilize what’s at his disposal because he can’t deal with some of the baggage that comes with players of Fant’s statute.

Just like you don’t.

We all may have our ideas of what is or isn’t going on with the Iowa football program. But at the end of the day, we don’t know shit. Period.

But, what I DO know is that there is finite amount of plays these guys get in their careers and that a season ending injury is always a play away. Would playing in three games against Illinois, Nebraska and whatever meh ACC team really do that much for Fant at this point in terms of his draft stock? I don’t think so. He’s got two years of tape and whether or not Ferentz is spiteful enough to go out of his way to call his NFL friends to black list him, I don’t know if GM’s will really care. There are way worse dudes that have done actual crimes who have still been drafted because, in today’s NFL where there is an offensive arms race, you choose talent over everything else. Having the ability to select a weapon like Fant in the later part of the first round would be a literal God-send to teams like the Saints, or Rams or hell, the team Fan’t OC hails from, the Patriots.

In a system that exploits players for three or four years, I would never, ever, EVER fault a kid for deciding to prepare themselves for the NFL where, even if they are continuously left off the field for reasons unknown to the fan base, they’re getting a big fat check.