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NCAA Football: Maryland at Michigan Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

We’re just about halfway done with the college football season and I feel like we (I) still know absolutely nothing about the Big Ten and how the conference is going to shakeout.

So let me tell you which team is best and which team is Nebraska!

1. Ohio State (6-0, 3-0 Big Ten)

The Buckeyes keep on cruising after Indiana gave them a scare or two in the ‘shoe. Indiana QB Peyton Ramsey put on a bit of a clinic against tOSU secondary annnnnnnd I’m not not worried for when Iowa travels to Bloomington next week. Minnesota comes to Ohio State’s house this week and I’m just going to write in the Buckeyes as No. 1 for next week’s column.

2. Penn State (4-1, 1-1)

Penn State probably has the best offense in the Big Ten, but their defense and playcalling will cost them games. Like Iowa, but also not like Iowa. Idk. The Nits had a bye and take on Michigan State this week. I can write these guys in as No. 2 for next week’s column.

3. Michigan (5-1, 3-0)

Shea Patterson showed he can actually play the quarterback position against Maryland this weekend, but that might say more about the Terps than it does Shea Patterson. But as long as Karan Higdon and Chase Winovich are on this roster I’m starting to kinda sorta believe in this Wolverine team and I hate myself for it.

4. Wisconsin (4-1, 2-0)

Wisconsin actually didn’t play all that well against Trashbraska — if the Huskers actually had any offense to speak of this game would have been closer. Also, to hell with Wisconsin for not being able to cover a 20-point spread here. Also, to hell with Wisconsin for existing. Iowa’s loss to the Badgers is a wound that will not heal over time.

5. Iowa (4-1, 1-1)

There were a lot of things I didn’t like out of Iowa’s game this weekend. The run blocking. The pass blocking. Corner play. Injuries. Turnovers. But still a win’s win and the Gophers suck and we’re ranked No. 26 in the nation don’t be mad!

6. Northwestern (2-3, 2-1)

This is the part where we’re reminded the Big Ten STINKS. Clayton Thorson was just OK, the Northwestern running game was non-existent, and I have no idea how jNW won this game looking at the box score.

7. Michigan State (3-2, 1-1)

Sure, this sounds right.

8. Purdue (2-3, 1-1)

Purdue had a bye, which is a win nowadays in the Big Ten. Rondale Moore is enough to keep the Boilermakers in this position.

9. Indiana (4-2, 1-2)

I’m very nervous for Iowa’s trip to Bloomington which is why I’m reverse-jinxing myself and putting the Hoosiers in the top-10. They also deserve to be here, so.

10. Maryland (3-2, 1-1)

The Terps almost certainly deserve to be ranked a little higher, but I kinda forgot about them and I already wrote things for Purdue and Indiana and copy and pasting right now is just too much damn work.

11. Minnesota (3-2, 0-2)

Minnesota is not very good and the Iowa game was not as close as the score would indicate. The Gilded Rodents still get to play Nebraska and Illinois this year, but I don’t see any other wins on their schedule in Year One of PJ Fleck’s second year as head coach.

12. Illinois (3-2, 1-1)

Good on you Illinois for not only beating rutger, but also covering the spread.

13. Rutger (1-5, 0-3)

Illinois ran for 330 yards and 4 touchdowns against rutger.

14. Nebraska (0-5, 0-3)