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TAKE MY MONEY: YOUR GUIDE TO GAMBLING ON WEEK 8 OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL

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YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF NOT OPENING THIS

Have you looked at this week of college football? It’s mayhem! Absolute chaos is sure to ensue, and like the oil barons of yore we’re going to capitalize on the misfortune of others and get rich while standing on the shoulders of the working man.

Join me, comrades, for the uprising. And when I say uprising I mean join me to wins tens of dollars so I can afford stale coffee grounds from Trader Joe’s.

Georgia -7 vs. Florida

Some may call this neutral-fielded the World’s Largest Cocktail Party. I, however, am choosing to call it The Game Where Jake Fromm Figures It The Fuck Out Or Else. Because if he doesn’t, he’s about to be joining America’s Workforce. Connect with me on LinkedIn!

Whoever Plays Illinois

I don’t even know who it is! Just take whoever is playing Illinois! Parlay it with whoever plays Rutgers! I don’t give a heck!

Washington State +3 at Stanford

This game may as well be covered in quicksand since it screams T-R-A-P but I don’t care. Staring directly at Gardner Minshew’s mustache has been known to cause pregnancy in some cases, and I just don’t think Mike Leach squanders this time in the spotlight. Insert ham-fisted Key West Joke here.

Kentucky +7.5 at Missouri

Why is Kentucky getting a touchdown and a half?!? Is Benny Snell hurt or something? What year is it?!?

Navy +24 vs. Notre Dame

If there’s one thing I love it’s home underdogs. If there’s two things I love it’s home underdogs and the troops. So let’s give our Seamen 24 points at home against these Irish Invaders and pray for another potato famine. ALSO, dating back to 2006, service academies cover the spread 74% of the time when they’re double-digit-dogs. That sounds like a spinoff of Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives.