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TAKE MY MONEY: YOUR GUIDE TO BETTING WEEK 4 OF THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON

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CHOO CHOO YOU PLEBES

LIVE LOOK AT ME AFTER BETTING PURDUE

Hey hey guys, how we doin?

So how ‘bout them Boilers? Last week may not have been the best week you and I have had together, dear reader, (HOW DOES KASINO KIRK NOT GO FOR THE COVER?!?) but it was a week, and these are memories that will last.

You know what doesn’t last? Money. But you know what lasts forever? Diamonds. And how do you acquire diamonds?

So without further ado, here’s how we’re gonna get rich this weekend:

IOWA +12.5 (+360) VS. PENN STATE (-460)

The game: I don’t need to tell you Iowa is 3-0 against top-5 teams at home since 2006. I don’t need to tell you Penn State has two legitimate Heisman contenders. I don’t need to tell you about the wave. I don’t need to tell you I’m a degenerate gambler and an unabashed Iowa fan and that is not a healthy relationship.

I do need to tell you to be realistic. I do need to tell you to temper expectations and WHAT’S THAT?! GETTING DOUBLE DIGITS AT HOME!? CALL FANNIE MAE AND ASK HER IF SHE’S FEELING FRISKY.

Woah.

In sum, while I don’t necessarily think Iowa will win, I also won’t be surprised when they do, and I think a night game at Kinnick (is it sold out yet?) is enough to keep this one close-ish.

The over/under is 52.5. Take the over.

PURDUE +10 (+280) VS. MICHIGAN (-360)

The game: Oh BABY Purdue is BACK and we are getting RICH while watching the Boilers play some real fun football.

This week we have the biggest home game in Lafayette since Kyle Orton was the quarterback. Michigan has not looked good at all this year, and I think the Boilers are getting the Wolverines at the right time. I LOVE Purdue here, but our resident Boilermaker, BoilerHawk thinks otherwise:

As I mentioned in my predictions: Purdue football exists to let you down. As much as it pains, I think this is the week it happens. Michigan’s defense is amazing and their offense is lackluster, especially in the red zone. I actually like the under of 51.5. I also wouldn’t be surprised at a backdoor cover by Michigan as they take advantage of Purdue selling out to stop the run to get the ball back.

BoilerHawk is undefeated when it comes to betting his alma mater this year, but I don’t care. I think he’s wrong, and I’m taking the points and some ELECTRIC football.

The over/under is 51.5. Do what BoilerHawk says, I don’t care. It’s your money.

WASHINGTON STATE -28 VS. NEVADA

The game: My trusted neighborhood bookie doesn’t even have Wazzu moneyline open, and that tells me the sharks smell blood. More or less, we’re just going to keep on betting Washington State, because it’s working. And I recommend tuning in, because we just might see Mike Leach in the Big Ten sooner than later (corn emoji).

The over/under is 67.5. I dunno.

GEORGIA -4.5 (-200) VS. MISSISSIPPI STATE (+170)

The game: Jacob Eason could be back for the Dawgs, but he may not even play. True freshman Jake Fromm has been playing pretty well and has Georgia on a nice little win streak. This is hot BULLDOG ON BULLDOG action, and I’m going to take the real one over the fake one.

I don’t think Mississippi State is all that impressive, and I think Georgia is slightly less less impressive. So yeah. Go Dawgs.

The over/under is 48.5. Why are you still reading this?

UTAH -3.5 (-165) VS. ARIZONA (+145)

The game: who’s ready for a little #PAC12AfterDark on a Friday night? LET’S GO. All I know about Arizona is that I read Rich Rodriguez is almost definitely going to get fired this season, so we’re going to bet the Utes in order to contribute to that line of thinking. Utah always has massive Maori warriors on defense, and I bet they just love covering the spread.

The over/under is does it even matter?

As always, my Venmo is @ben-ross-16. These McDoubles ain’t free people!