TAKE MY MONEY: YOUR GUIDE TO BETTING WEEK 3 OF THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON

Oh heeeeeeeeeeey.

Welcome back to this sad (but rich!) corner of the internet.

We absolutely FEASTED last week thanks to our “friends” at Purdue and Minnesota just cleaning up. I will start by saying this week is pretty friggin’ gross when it comes to matchups, so it wouldn’t be the worst time to take a break and store your winnings under the mattress.

OR you can power through the ass that is this week’s slate by wagering your hard-earned dollars on these disgusting games.

Come, take my hand. I’ll lead you to the promised land.

IOWA -21 (-1900) VS. NORTH TEXAS (+700)

The game: I know very little about North Texas. I know they have a really good dual-threat quarterback, but what is “really good” in whatever conference NT is in?

I’m not too afraid of Iowa “looking ahead” to Penn State, or have any fear of this being a trap game. I think the Hawkeyes still have A LOT of kinks to work out on both sides of the ball, and I expect the Hawks to come out guns blazing to build momentum for next week.

What I’m trying to say here is ...

HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER

The over/under is 53.5. And Iowa is a 21-point favorite. You do the math.

WASHINGTON STATE -21 (-1900) VS. OREGON STATE (+700)

The game: we’re just going to bet against Oregon State until it doesn’t work, OK?

The over/under is 64.5. Take it. I think.

LOUISVILLE +3 (+130) VS. CLEMSON (-150)

The game: Louisville is getting 3 points at home here. I know Clemson is really, really, good but we’re taking Louisville. This is one of the largest home games in program history, with the best player in program history under center. Don’t overthink this.

The over/under is 58. If I know one thing, it’s that this game isn’t going to be won by defense.

USC -16 (915) VS. TEXAS (465)

The game: USC is out for BLOOD. This line opened at -14, and it’s only going to climb from there. Sam Darnold and the Trojans look like the real friggin’ deal, while Texas has a lot of growing pains under Tom Herman. I don’t doubt he’ll right the ship, but it’s not going to happen at night in L.A.

The over/under is 68. USC might score that much itself.

PURDUE +7.5 (+250) AT MISSOURI (-300)

The game: our pal BoilerHawk was 2-0 last week when betting Purdue, and I see no reason to not keep on riding those coattails. Here’s what he had to say about this matchup:

I actually like Purdue straight up. Saw something like +255. They have a ton of momentum. Missouri fired their defensive coordinator. Teams are already struggling to gameplan against Purdue. No way someone on staff can step in and stop them. Over under is right at the edge of being too high.

Again, the standard "Purdue could always blow this" applies but they're gonna be fun to bet on this year.

AND THAT’S ALL THE CONFIDENCE WE NEED. HAMMER THE BOILERS.

The over/under is 78.5!!! I don’t want to say what I’m thinking so I’m not going to.

And that’s that. Go forth and get rich. Don’t forget my Venmo is @ben-ross-16. I also accept payment in Panchero’s queso by the gallon.