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Five Other Things We Think Brian Ferentz Thinks

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You thought that stuff about Iowa State, Nebraska and Minnesota were the only truth bombs BF had in his arsenal? You were wrong.

Minnesota v Iowa Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

Whether you’re here in support of Iowa or to simply troll the comments section (Welcome!), I think for maybe the first time ever we can all agree that when we heard/read/were told about the interview that Brian Ferentz gave on KXNO a week ago, we were taken aback by his comments. For some of us, the feeling of initial shock gave way to immediate anger. For the rest, I’m sure it made you chuckle in pure delight. Regardless, it was refreshing as hell. After all, it’s not very often that you find a Power-5 college football coach venturing off of “Cliche Boulevard” during the off-season (or during any point of a season for that matter).

This is the era of college football where coaches try to protect their locker rooms and the actions that happen inside of them at all costs. Being quiet is winning. Creating unnecessary, media-hyped bulletin board material is losing.

Giving the opponent any sort of upper hand through those pesky dudes with the microphones is strongly advised against.

Unless, of course, you’re Brian Ferentz. Unlike his father who is famous for dropping lines like “That’s Football” and “You can’t lose something you never had,” he seems more willing to cross “the line” that both his dad and one time boss, Bill Belichick, have made a career out of avoiding completely (smug face and all).

Whether you agree with the comments or not, I highly doubt BF cares. And honestly, we shouldn’t either. I’m so thankful this happened. BF gave us all something to talk about for a week now. He should get a bonus for putting his best World Wrestling Federation foot forward and creating a story line that is surely going to make the weeks of September 9, October 28 and November 24 so damn fun.

This is Iowa’s new and future face of the program, and I freaking love it.

Now, with all of that said and out of the way, I highly doubt those were the only hot takes BF has kicking around in that brain of his.

So, I took it upon myself to research Brian Ferentz as best I could to give you all five more things that are definitely, most likely, going through Brian Ferentz’s mind as he goes through his day:

“Kids that drink from a hose are grinders.”

“These kids these days, these new recruits, I see them sucking down Gatorades, Powerades, Red Monster Energy Drinks. All of this during practice. They’re cramping up during warm-ups. They can’t run suicides or do five up-downs without grabbing at their calves or their hammys. Whatever happened to grabbing a green hose and sucking down gallons of water at a time, the way we used to? It’s all part of this “every kid gets a trophy” world we’re in now.”

“I’ll tell you an interesting story I heard from my dad. He was in Davenport, taking a look at a kid with the brains and body to be a solid lineman. Coach didn’t know if he had it in him to be a scholarship athlete based on the tape that we saw. He was missing some nasty. Some of that grinder mentality we want on the line. Could he have been a walk-on? Perhaps, but coach needed to see a spark. So my dad’s there and the recruit was working out and he was pretty impressive. After about 30 minutes, coach watched him go over to the sideline, bypass the Gatorade bottles and head straight to a hose on the side of the bleachers and he chugged away. The rest of the day, he was an animal.”

“Dad offered Julian Vandervelde a scholarship that day.”

“Pac-12 football is basically Arena Football.”

“Look, I’m not hating on Arena Football or the Pac-12. They have a fun product. Really fun, you know, if you only care about offense. But let’s be real. There’s isn’t much defense in either of those games. I mean seriously, those games end with combined scores of like 150 points.”

“That’s not football. That’s some Pro-Level against the computer Madden stuff right there.”

“Rowing boats only happens at Yale, or on those fancy things with the singers in Italy.”

“We were sitting in the office a few days after Minnesota made their new hire and somebody told my dad about the ‘Row the Boat’ thing. I’ll never forget his reaction... he looked Ken right in the eyes as serious as could be and says ‘That’s not football, that’s rowing.’

“Me and Reese started dying. I couldn’t breathe. He was so serious about it.”

“Needless to say, we already have the posters printed out with that saying on it for Gopher week. It’s going to be plastered everywhere. The locker rooms. The weight rooms. The kids dorm rooms. The lunch rooms. Every. Where.”

“Aren’t Huskers just dudes that have to buy and wear larger jeans?”

“What’s a Husker? I don’t know what a husker is. I looked it up on Urban Dictionary and there were some colorful definitions on there. I guess it has something to do with peeling the husks off corn? I don’t know. Kind of lame. What if really it was just some dude with thunder thighs trying to find a pair of JNCO jeans that fit in a Kohl’s dressing room? That would be funny.”

“During game weeks, other programs just install game plans and that’s it. There isn’t much teaching going on in those places. They’re not preparing their kids for the future. Nobody is getting better. They’re just staying on an even plane. That’s now how we operate. Every day we give our players the opportunity for growth.”

Alright, I’m not even going to pretend here. We ALL know that BF and the entire Iowa staff definitely thinks this. 100%. Forever and ever. Amen.