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The Pants Predicts: Week 13 Big Ten Conference Football

IT’S RIVALRY WEEK!

Ohio State v Michigan Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Here we go, team. Last week of the regular season.

Couple of things:

  1. I tossed this bad boy together while super-hungover and trying to pack my car for a tailgate/ice cream party in Lincoln, Nebraska today.
  2. Because of what transpired last week and a promise one of our managing editors made, we may be overhauling the site and becoming a Purdue blog in the coming weeks.

Updated standings headed into the week:

BoilerHawk: 77-21

JPinIC: 76-22

Max Brekke: 76-22

Jordan Hansen: 71-20

Rob Donaldson: 60-18

MattCabel: 71-27

Hello Jerry: 70-28

JP Scott: 68-30

Ben Ross: 63-35

Iowa at Nebraska - FRI, 3pm on FS1

Max: Iowa.

Matt: 27-24, Nebraska. I don’t know anymore. Which Iowa team shows up? What would be saying about this team if they had lost the Ohio State game? I’m more frustrated than I’ve ever been with the Ferentz family.

Jordan: I’ve seen some #tweets this week acting like Nebraska isn’t a rivalry or a big deal. I’m personally offended by that. You know what I hate? Nebraska. Nebraska sucks. It’s a boring and dumb state. I hate their colors. I hate their fans. I hate their arrogance. I hate Omaha. I hate how flat their stupid state is. I hate their corn. I hate their superiority complex. I hate their fans. I hate their traditions. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. 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JP Scott: Iowa is gonna gash Diaco’s 3-4 and the Husker fans will eat ice cream in celebration of Mike Riley’s last game. Iowa 24-12.

Ben: What Jordan said.

BoilerHawk: What Ben said.

JPinIC: This is the complete and polar opposite of the traditional unstoppable force and the immovable object. Here we have the Nebraska defense which might be worse than practicing on air and the Iowa offense, which might be worse than simply punting on first down. Who has the edge? Anyone who chooses not to watch. I’m inclined to go against Iowa because they’ve looked just brutal of late. But Nebraska is on to a new coach. Wait, no, that’s next week. Either way. And the Iowa coaching staff has several million reasons to bring it this week. Iowa 35, Nebraska 17

Hello Jerry: Iowa wins but I don’t really care how anymore. I’m anticipating a whole lot of ugly. Maybe take a nap. Hawkeyes 24-17

#9 Ohio State at Michigan - 11am on FOX

Max: Ohio dang State.

Jordan: Ohio State

JP Scott: It’ll be closer than we think. Ohio State 27-20.

Ben: Ohio State is going to win because I’m a conspiracy guy. What that particular conspiracy is here, I don’t know.

Matt: 34-31, Ohio State. Maybe this is Jim’s signature win this year, but probably not.

JPinIC: The Iowa game was the kick in the nuts, scratch that, buckeyes the Buckeyes needed. OSU 31, Michigan 28

BoilerHawk: I’m obsessed with picking Michigan. Michigan 24 - OSU 23

Hello Jerry: Ohio State makes a statement at the Big House and then starts thinking about how then can get back into this playoff picture.

Indiana at Purdue - 11am on ESPN2

Max: Still not a Purdue blog. Still picking them.

Jordan: Hell yeah go Purdue.

JP Scott: Purdue is going bowling! Boilermakers 23-20.

Matt: 24-21, Indiana. Again, it’s a shame Indiana isn’t in the Big Ten West. Let’s trade Illinois for them. Illinois will always be a bottom feeder anyway.

JPinIC: We are a Purdue blog. We have always been a Purdue blog. Purdue 34, Indiana 24

Ben: See above.

BoilerHawk: This is literally the biggest Old Oaken Bucket (low-key great trophy) Game in my lifetime as a Purdue student/alum. There’s no way I could pick against Purdue but Indiana has similar motivations (bowl eligibility). CHOO CHOO 27 - BOO HOO 21

Hello Jerry: Purdue has hurt me so many time this year. Multiple times to my pocket book and to my team. They have some mojo though. They take care of the Hoosiers.

#5 Wisconsin at Minnesota - 2:30pm on ABC

Max: Wisconsin never loses this game.

Matt: 41,17, Wisconsin. My brain says Wisconsin but my heart wants to row the boat.

JP Scott: Wisconsin is a machine. Taylor runs for 200 again. Badgers 44-10.

Jordan: Wisco by a million

JPinIC: Minnesota: not good. Wisconsin: good. Wiscy 38, Minny 13

Ben: My dad went to Minnesota. When I got home from Chicago this week he proudly presented two tickets to the Minnesota-Wisconsin game. I laughed in his face for thinking I’m going to go sit in the freezing ass cold to watch Wisconsin put 40 points up in the first half against a Minnesota team that couldn’t even beat Iowa.

BoilerHawk: I really really want to row the boat this week but there’s no way. Wisconsin 35 -Minnesota 14 (it’s tied in the second half)

Hello Jerry: I will be pulling for the Badgers from here forward. Let’s get Horni.

#10 Penn State at Maryland - 2:30pm on BTN

Max: Maryland by a hundred.

JP Scott: Penn State might have a hard time getting up for this one. They win 37-20 after a slow start.

Matt: 34,21, Penn State. Good job, great effort, Maryland. Hopefully PSU doesn’t hang 50 on you.

Jordan: turtles vs. lions think about it,,,

JPinIC: Turtle soup. PSU 41, Maryland 24

Ben: See above.

BoilerHawk: one of the greatest rivalries of our time here on earth. Penn State 42 - Maryland 14

Hello Jerry: Does anyone like Trace McSorley anymore? I’m sure the Maryland fans won’t. Penn State takes care of this one handily.

#17 Michigan State at Rutgers - 3pm on FOX

Max: (Max didn’t give a pick for this game. He gets Rutgers by default)

Matt: my friend John is very confident this week! “30-13, MSU. Buttgers is bad.”

I agree, John.

JP Scott: I bet Rutgers wins. I don’t know how or why, but they will.

JPiniC: Rutgers was so close to bowl eligibility. Horseshoes and hand grenades, my firends. MSU 31, Rutgers 17

Ben: Why is Rutgers?

Jordan: Remember that show, Deadliest Warrior? I think a Spartans would probably beat a Crimson Knights and I’d certainly pay to watch.

BoilerHawk: another of the greatest rivalries of our time here on earth. Michigan State 28 - Rutgers 24

Hello Jerry: Sparty all the way.

#23 Northwestern at Illinois - 3pm on FS1

Max: Northwestern.

Matt: 31-10, Northwestern. THE BATTLE FOR ILLINOIS BRAGGING RIGHTS!

JP Scott: The Wildcats are going to finish with ten win. The Fightin’ Fitzgeralds roll, 33-7.

JPinIC: I honestly don’t know why Illinois keeps trotting out there. Just pack it in, guys. Northwestern 35, Illinois 6

Ben: Mike Riley to Illinois? Let’s start perpetuating that myth now!

Jordan: Just Northwestern. Also Illinois is bad. Is Lovie on the hotseat?

BoilerHawk: And thus concludes Lovie Smith’s second season even though it feels like his 10th. jNW 31 - Illinois 14

Hello Jerry: Go Cats.