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NCAA Football: Iowa at Wisconsin Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

1. Wisconsin

I don’t like it. You don’t like it. But this is where Bucky is, and it’s likely where Bucky will stay until the end of the season.

2. Ohio State

Ohio State still has some sort of a path to Indy to face Bucky and topple the Badgers. Does it matter? For schadenfreude purposes, yes, yes it does.

3. Penn State

Penn State still has Nebraska and Rutgers on the schedule! The Nits will be cheering for a Michigan victory over tOSU come late in the season for a rematch with Wisconsin.

4. Michigan State

Sparty got absolutely shellacked by Ohio State. And yet they still sit at no. 4. Big Ten football!

5. Michigan

*looks in both directions* *whispers* I kind of want Michigan to beat Wisconsin this week.

6. Northwestern

With Minnesota, Illinois and a bowl game left on the schedule, Northwestern could be a 10-win team, y’all.

7. Iowa

You know everything I just said about jNW. That can’t apply to Iowa. In fact, everything nice I’ve ever said to anything can’t be applied to Iowa.

8. Minnesota

Congrats, Minnesota, for running up the score against Nebraska. I hope you’re happy.

9. Indiana

Indiana can become bowl eligible with wins over Rutgers and Purdue over the season. Rejoice!

10. Maryland

Down goes Max Bortenschlager and in goes Ryan Brand as Maryland’s fourth quarterback to play this year. That earns them out of the bottom four alone.

11-13. Whatever

Purdue, Rutgers, Nebraska. Pick your poison. And I mean that in the most literal sense possible.

14. Illinois

Congrats, Illinois. on being on a whole different level of suckitude. Good thing for Lovie Smith Illinois doesn’t really have things called “fans” or “supporters” or “oversight within is program” so he’s able to run this sad summer camp as he sees fit.