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TAKE MY MONEY: YOUR GUIDE TO BETTING WEEK 11

I HAVEN’T BEEN FAIR TO YOU AND ITS TIME THE PIPER PAYS, OR SOMETHING

My fellow degenerates:

I have a confession. I haven’t been fair to you. I’ve been lying. I’m a fraud.

The past few weeks your third or fourth-favorite gambling blogger has been mailing it in. He hasn’t believed in his own picks. He hasn’t been gambling on every game. He’s bet against Iowa.

Twice.

I’m here today to say I’ve seen the light. Not unlike this Iowa football team, I’ve seen the error of my past ways, and am ready to attack the weekend with a fervor usually reserved for sexually frustrated mallards.

As a peace offering, I come to you with five count-em FIVE stone cold LOCKS to make you money this week. I know time heals all wounds, but hopefully cash will speed up the grieving process.

Let’s get to it.

IOWA +12 (+350) AT WISCONSIN

Look at all these idiots chortle over the Badgers and their playoff hopes. HA! I almost envy the ignorance.

After last week’s demolition over tOSU, we should have no reason to believe* that Iowa can’t dismantle Sconnie in the same manner.

So with that, I leave you with 12 points and a whole boatload of cash. It’s cheese curds vs. tenderloin this week. You can only feed your family with one.

*Except for Iowa’s entire history and identity under Kirk Ferentz, however.

MICHIGAN STATE +17 (+425) AT OHIO STATE

Oh how the mighty of fallen for this Buckeye team. Their playoff hopes dashed in Iowa City not long after a flag was planted in the middle of the ‘shoe by a guy with two last names.

And this is exactly where Michigan State wants to be. Three-score dogs after taking down Penn State. This is what Mark Dantonio lives for. Parlay Iowa and Sparty for an extra tasty snack this weekend.

AUBURN +3 VS. GEORGIA (+125)

Only the most faithful readers here may know that my college football allegiances lay not with the Hawkeyes, but also with Georgia due to some black-sheeped familial ties to the old south. I grew up on DJ Shockley and was hooked from the start.

So, you may be surprised to see my pick against my beloved Bulldogs this week. Well, not necessarily. We can still get a close Georgia win and line our pockets at the same time.

Both teams are playing for CFP contention, and I just like the home dog to come ahead in this one. And not unlike Iowa fans, Georgia fans exist only to feel pain. We all know how the biggest game of the last 10 years for Georgia ends. We’ve seen this movie before.

MIAMI +3.5 VS. NOTRE DAME (+140)

The world is a better place when Catholics vs. Convicts is a real thing, and we are in LOVE with home underdogs this week at The Pants. Or at least I am. I’m sure my co-workers don’t want me making assertions for them on a gambling blog.

Miami is playing with hella swagger, and I think the ‘Canes are going to bring the noise at home against the Irish. That turnover chain ain’t a rosary, Notre Dame. All you can do now is pray.

MINNESOTA VS. NEBRASKA UNDER 47.5

I know I’m staunchly against betting overs and unders but... man. If you added Demry Croft to Tanner Lee I’m still not sure you’d have a full quarterback.

So with that, we’re going to take the under, and sweat this disgusting game out before sweating out the Iowa game.

And that’s that. My credit card bill is due the 16th, so if you could venmo something by then that would be great thx.