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Iowa was on a bye last week and we are considering that a WIN given how many upsets took place during week. Not to toot my own horn but cha boi went 4-1 last week, so this week we’re definitely going to regress and go 1-4 and have that weird conversation with our boss where we ask for an advance.

Last week was filled with underdog covers and pretty big upsets. Sup Pac 12. I’m still reeling from that Georgia Southern fourth quarter collapse. If you get a text from your cousin—who follows the Sun Belt conference religiously—with any combination of the words “hot tip,” “free money” and “Georgia Southern +5,” you need to ask yourself two things: 1) How can I block my cousin from contacting me? and 2) Should I buy the half point?

ANYWAY, here are this week’s picks to limit your buying power for the month:

Texas Tech/Iowa State Over 69

Texas Tech likes to score a lot of points and I’m still not confident their secondary exists. Hit the over for dayssss. Also, I’m legally obligated to bet the over on any total that is listed at 69. Because of the sex joke.

Arizona State @ Utah -10

Arizona State hangover game 100%. Utah is 5-0 ATS this year. Don’t overthink this one. Arizona State played out of its mind last week, but they’ll be ready to disappoint this time around. This line could jump all the way up to -13 before kickoff, so jump on it early.

Michigan @ Penn State -9

Probably the game of the week right here. Michigan survived another year going to OT with Indiana in Bloomington. Might have been a case of looking ahead to this week. Might also be a case of Michigan stinks.

Forecast calls for whiteout conditions in Happy Valley and the place will be rocking Saturday night. I think Penn State comes out fast this week and jumps on Michigan early. Saquon Barkley is going to win the Heisman this weekend.

Iowa -1.5 @ Northwestern

Hawks 69, Northwestern 0.

Idaho +14 @ Missouri

Fade Missouri and make money, it’s a simple formula. Also, what’s the Sun Belt doing getting it’s second mention in this column? Moreover, what the hell is Idaho doing in the Sun Belt?

Purdue -9.5 at Rutger

Well someone on this blog has a some egg on his face after picking against his alma mater. Well guess what? We didn’t listen to him, and WHO’S THE RICH GUY DRINKING MILLER AND NOT BUSCH NOW?!

I almost didn’t want to go back to BoilerHawk this week after his foolhardy prediction to not take Purdue, but we reached out for a soundbite, and he does at least seem to be remorseful:

I'm sorry I failed you, Purdue faithful. Picking against them happened to by my first loss of the season - never again! Thankfully going up against an impotent rutger squad (games against Illinois don't count) is just what the doctor ordered for the Boilermaker bettors. They'll cover easily with the scarllllet knights coming to town.

(I left the typos in there because I think they’re funny, and he may have been serious)

Anyway. There’s lots of great value out there this week. You just have to find it. Oh wait no you don’t. I found it for you. You’re welcome.

So when you go to McDonald’s for your sad fifthmeal this weekend, you can maybe even afford one of those ridiculous Rick & Morty sauce packet things to go along with their new chicken nuggets that are apparently cancer-free.

You know my Venmo. pay me.