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TAKE MY MONEY: YOUR WEEK 3 GAMBLING FIX

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We can’t bet Iowa this week. *winks*

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Hey guys. And girls (?)

If you for whatever reason decided to follow my picks last week, you would have gone 5-0 and earned yourself enough money to order one of everything off the Taco Bell menu. Lucky you!

I can assure you that will never happen again.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to it!

The Game

It has been brought to my attention that since Iowa is playing an FCS opponent this week, it would be “unethical” and perhaps “illegal” to place a “wager” on the game through “sanctioned” means.

Well to that I say phooey. I have seen lines for this NDSU range between 14.5 to 17. And man I wish I could hypothetically bet on this game because I think Iowa is just going to mollywhop the Bison. If you think otherwise, slide into my DMs.*

Well, since we can’t really talk much about odds on this here Iowa contest, we’re just going to have to dive into other juicy matchups, aren’t we?

Ohio State -1 at Oklahoma

Oh, man. Oklahoma could be 1-2 and have their playoff hopes dashed already by week three? SIGN ME UP. Seriously, though. The backup quarterback has no business opening his mouth in this situation, so I envision Nick Bosa hitting Baker Mayfield so hard Austin Kendall is forced to get into the game to reap what he sowed.

TCU -24 vs Iowa State

Should we start fading Iowa State? I think we should start fading Iowa State.

Oregon +3.5 at Nebraska

Poor Mike Riley. He got out of the Pac 12, but still has to play Oregon. Riley has lost his last seven contests to the Ducks, and I certainly don’t see that changing with Tommy Armpunt at quarterback.

Wait. Oregon is getting points. This has trap written all over it. And I love it.

Michigan State +8 at Notre Dame

I don’t really like this, but hey, weird things can happen, and 8 is a lot of points. Tell me why I should bet Notre Dame. You can’t.

Jacksonville +3 at San Diego

And here’s your special NFL treat for the week. Jacksonville played Green Bay real close last week, and San Diego blew a double-digit lead in the fourth quarter against Kansas City. We’re gonna keep betting against the sad franchise that is San Diego until that doesn’t work.

And that concludes your weekly dose of degeneracy. Go back to being contributing members of society, if that’s your thing.

**Please don’t slide into my DMs soliciting wagers. I’m pretty sure that will violate the terms of my contract here and break a couple laws.**