The Pants Predicts: 2016 Big Ten Football

THERE ARE ONLY FOUR DAYS LEFT UNTIL THE IOWA HAWKEYES OPEN THE 2016 SEASON AGAINST THE MIAMI REDHAWKS. I REPEAT. FOUR DAYS UNTIL HAWKEYE FOOTBALL. THAT’S TEVAUN SMITH DAYS UNTIL FOOTBALL SEASON.

But anyway, back to the point. Last week, we wrote about how we thought the Hawkeyes were going to fare this season and what we thought of a bunch of Hawkeye related things. You can find that here, in case you missed it. This week, we’re doing more than that. We’re previewing the entire Big Ten Conference. We predicted how the East and West would shake out (one of us had too much time on his hands and predicted each game and came out with win totals for each team because he’s lame as hell), talked about the best and worst games in conference play, hot seats, sleepers, and MVPs.

Once again, we agree on some things (Iowa will be good! Ohio State will be good! Rutgers is terrible!!!) and disagree on other things (Indiana???). Join the debate, because we’re not experts all the time, we just pretend to be. Especially Max. He has NO IDEA what he’s talking about this time around.

Big Ten East Predictions

Max Brekke:
1. Ohio State 10-2 (8-1)
2. Michigan State 11-1 (8-1)
3. Indiana 10-2 (7-2)
4. Michigan 9-3 (6-3)
5. Penn State 7-5 (4-5)
6. Maryland 3-9 (1-8)
7. Rutgers 1-10 (0-9)

Jonah Parker:
1. Ohio State
2. Michigan
3. Michigan State
4. Penn State
5. Indiana
6. Maryland
7. Rutgers

Rob Donaldson:
1. Michigan
2. Ohio State
3. Michigan State
4. Penn State
5. Indiana
6. Maryland
7. Rutgers

Dylan Dinkla:
1. Ohio State
2. Michigan State
3. Michigan
4. Penn State
5. Indiana
6. Maryland
7. Rutgers

John Krzmarzick:
1. Ohio State
2. Michigan
3. Michigan State
4. Indiana
5. Maryland
6. Penn State
7. Rutgers

Danny Payne:
1. Ohio State
2. Michigan State
3. Michigan
4. Indiana
5. Maryland
6. Penn State
7. Rutgers

Ben Ross:
1. Ohio State
2. Michigan State
3. Michigan
4. Indiana
5. Penn State
6. Maryland
7. Rutgers

Big Ten West Predictions

Max:
1. Iowa 12-0 (9-0)
2. Minnesota 8-4 (5-4)
3. Northwestern 7-5 (4-5)
4. Wisconsin 6-6 (4-5)
5. Nebraska 6-6 (4-5)
6. Illinois 4-8 (2-7)
7. Purdue 4-8 (1-8)

Jonah:
1. Iowa
2. Nebraska
3. Minnesota
4. Northwestern
5. Wisconsin
6. Illinois
7. Purdue

Rob:
1. Iowa
2. Nebraska
3. Minnesota
4. Wisconsin
5. Northwestern
6. Illinois
7. Purdue

Dylan:
1. Iowa
2. Nebraska
3. Minnesota
4. Northwestern
5. Wisconsin
6. Illinois
7. Purdue

John:
1. Iowa
2. Northwestern
3. Minnesota
4. Nebraska
5. Wisconsin
6. Illinois
7. Purdue

Danny:
1. Iowa
2. Northwestern
3. Wisconsin
4. Nebraska
5. Illinois
6. Minnesota
7. Purdue

Ben:
1. Iowa
2. Northwestern
3. Wisconsin
4. Nebraska
5. Illinois
6. Minnesota
7. Purdue

Big Ten Conference Winner

Max: Ohio State. Iowa falls in the Big Ten Championship again, although this time, it’s not a heartbreaker. It’s a rout. Dammit, I’m already sad. Ohio State goes to the Fiesta Bowl as part of the CFB Playoff and Iowa once again goes to the Rose Bowl, where they run into the Oregon Ducks and wipe the floor with their porous defense run by Brady Hoke, who is a large man.

Jonah: OSU - I hate it and expect it to end similarly to Florida at some point, but OSU is loaded and will be for the foreseeable future. Michigan will give them a run for their money, but I think OSU is the favorite at this point.

Rob: Iowa

Dylan: Sigh... I gotta be consistent with my predictions for the Iowa season and I see OSU delivering a smackdown to Iowa in the B1G Championship.

John: Do they have the best players? No. Are they the most talented? Not even close. Are they the best team? You better believe it. Iowa finally delivers on the B1G stage, taking down Ohio State in Indianapolis and earning a second consecutive trip to the Rose Bowl.

Danny: Ugh, I was really hoping we didn’t have to predict this, because I really don’t know. Iowa’s my pick to win the West, as is Ohio State in the East because of J.T. Barrett. If everyone stays healthy, let’s say Desmond King and Josey Jewell are good enough to beat Barrett and a Buckeye offense that lost some key contributors.

Ben: Ohio State. Michigan is one year away from becoming the team everyone expects it to be this year, while Michigan State has enjoyed its last sunset running the conference. Sorry, Iowa. I just don’t see it this year.

Best Game

Max: It’s obviously Michigan State vs. Ohio State. With the way I’ve got my standings shaking out, this game will be the tiebreaker in determining who will represent the Big Ten East in the B1G Championship. Last time these two teams played? Oh man. MICHAEL GEIGER, TAKE IT AWAY.

Jonah: Michigan @ OSU - There are plenty of great conference match-ups throughout the season, but as much as it makes me puke, this is the marquee matchup the entire country will tune in to watch. Try not to crap down your leg again, Harbaugh.

Rob: It's definitely Michigan at Ohio State for me because this could be the game, and season, where the Harbaugh-Meyer and Michigan-Ohio State rivalry materializes and ends up changing the Big Ten landscape for years to come.

Dylan: Ohio State at Michigan State. Lots of good storylines in this one. I think MSU shocks people and upsets Michigan earlier in the season, which would make this game the presumptive division championship (yeah, yeah OSU plays Michigan the next week and a loss would cause a three-way tie, but just go with me here). Can OSU get revenge on MSU for derailing an almost certain bid to the College Football Playoff? Can MSU stun the college football world and pull off two East division titles in a row over the “blue bloods” (take that ESPN!)?

John: I am most excited to see Michigan come to Iowa City on November 12, but I’m a homer who would rather watch Iowa’s spring “scrimmage” than the National Championship Game. The best matchup in the B1G regular season will be Michigan at Ohio State. I expect this game to determine who represents the East in the B1G Championship (sorry, Sparty), and there are potential Playoff implications. Two blue-blood programs, arguably the best rivalry in sports, and a battle on a national stage... it doesn’t get any bigger or better than that.

Danny: Ohio State at Michigan State, Nov. 19. This is going to be the Big Ten East title game, with both teams going in undefeated (yes, that means Michigan State will have downed Michigan a few weeks earlier) in a rematch of what’s become an awesome rivalry in the last three-to-four years. Urban Meyer and Mark Dantonio are 2-2 against each other since Meyer’s arrival at Ohio State. Michigan still seems like it’s a year away from a title, so this could be the end of what’s been a fantastic two-horse race for some form of conference supremacy over the last few years.

Ben: Ohio State-Michigan. The Game has meaning once again, and the world is a better place for it.

Worst Game

Max: Everyone else picked two games with two bad teams. No, no. I’m picking an Ohio State game for this, too. Ohio State vs. Rutgers is going to be UGLY. Ohio State wins by a thousand.

Jonah: Rutgers @ Maryland - These are two teams with nothing on the line, that nobody cares to watch, and they just so happen to be the two teams nobody remembers are in the conference.

Rob: Give me just a sec … *scrolls through Purdue’s schedule* … Ah! There it is! Purdue on the road against Maryland. I’m not sure it’s possible to draw up a game more vomit inducing than that.

Dylan: I don’t know. Who does Purdue play next week? I’ll go a different route and pick a game that should be close but turns into a beatdown. In October, OSU travels to Happy Valley. James Franklin has underachieved thus far (even with the sanctions) and I think OSU embarrasses the Nittany Lions on national TV. On paper, PSU should be able to put up a decent fight at home and at night. I don’t see it. I see J.T. Barrett and co. beating the Nittany Lions by 30+.

John: I have never Googled the term “Rutgers football schedule” before, and I hope I never have to ever again. I don’t know anybody who wants to watch these guys play, particularly at Maryland on November 26. You couldn’t pay me to watch this game (OK...yes, you could). Two below-average programs, a “rivalry” that nobody cares about, and maybe catching some air-time on the Big Ten Network... I’ll pass.

Danny: Rutgers-Howard. Is this really what Jim Delany had in mind to corner that really-close-to-New York City DMA?

Ben: Anything involving Minnesota. Anything involving Rutgers is a close second. Minnesota and Rutgers play each other this year? Thank Delany for letting this crossover come to fruition.

Big Ten MVP

Max: Richard Lagow, from Indiana. You’ve never heard of him? Yeah, figures as much. If Indiana becomes relevant this year, it’ll be behind this JUCO-transfer at quarterback. Indiana always finds a way to find a dangerous running back, and this guy is going to be Nate Sudfeld this season. It’ll be enough to make him the B1G MVP this season. I’m such a hipster lol lmao rofl woooo.

Jonah: CJB - It’ll never happen, but honestly is there anyone that means more to their given team than Beathard? I’m sure it’ll be somebody like Barrett at OSU or someone from Michigan or MSU because that’s how this stuff works. But we all know those schools would have little trouble replacing just about anyone on their roster. C.J. is different.

Rob: J.T. Barrett

Dylan: J.T. Barrett

John: C.J. Beathard. He might not put up the biggest numbers, but there is no doubt that he is the most valuable. Beathard earned my ultimate respect last season when he led Iowa to a perfect regular season, despite battling a torn groin and a sports hernia for 9.5 of the regular season games. I wouldn’t want anyone else playing quarterback for my team. The Hawks are a metaphorical Playoff “sleeper” with Beathard. Without him, the offense is literally asleep.

Danny: J.T. Barrett. Barrett was perhaps the best quarterback in the Big Ten in 2014 before an injury and a quarterback controversy that Meyer screwed up last year. With no one pressuring him from within, it’s Barrett’s trophy to lose. I’d argue that no one means more to his team than C.J. — which is a legitimate reason for him to win this award — but because this honor is more about numbers, Barrett will take the hardware.

Ben: J.T. Barrett. I fully expect Barrett to dominate this season and be invited to New York for the Heisman ceremony.

Coach on the Hot Seat

Max: Mike Riley. Or Darrell Hazell. Or James Franklin. Or Paul Chryst. Or Tracy Claeys. So many options for coaches that might be ejected if the team doesn’t play well. I’ll go with Mike Riley, though. Nebraska is ruthless when it comes to getting rid of their head coaches. No patience. Maybe Purdue will take him.

Jonah: I think the seat has to start getting warm soon for Kevin Wilson at Indiana and Darrell Hazell at Purdue. The usual suspects are breaking in brand new coaches so I think they should be safe for some time (unless someone pulls a Pitt here). I think the sleeper is James Franklin at PSU. The place has high expectations and it’s got to be tough accept their new lot in life as the 4th best program in their own division. I think he’s fine for another year or two though, so gimme Wilson at Indiana as the guy with the warmest seat at year’s end.

Rob: I could go with a layup here and say Darrell Hazell or poke some fun at Nebraska with Mike Riley, but I’m going to say James Franklin. Franklin was brought in to recruit well (which he’s done) and win; he hasn’t won a whole lot. Need to see some strides this season.

Dylan: Easy answer is Darrell Hazell. He’s pretty much gone already. I think Mike Riley has the pieces in place to get something going. Unfortunately, he’s hitched his wagon to Turnover Tommy Armstrong. He better hope the Huskers improve on last year’s 6-7 bleh campaign. Another .500ish season and Riley’s seat is definitely burning going into 2017.

John: I’d say Darrell Hazell, but let’s face it, Darrell Hazell’s seat isn’t hot, it’s scorching. I’m going with James Franklin. After decades of success under Joe Paterno, Penn State has consistently underachieved since the departure of Bill O’Brien. They never went anywhere with Christian Hackenberg, even though he was thought to be the best NFL prospect at his position as a sophomore. Expectations are high in Happy Valley. 7-5 seasons just aren’t going to cut it when Michigan, Ohio State, and even Michigan State are nationally relevant. If Penn State is on pace to hand in another average scorecard in November, they will be making some phone calls.

Danny: James Franklin. Penn State’s continued PR nightmare and horrible press (all of which is deserved) makes any coaching seat hot, but given Franklin’s subpar performance after walking into a bad situation, the Nittany Lion faithful must be desperate for a good year. Will they get it with clubhouse cancer Christian Hackenberg gone? My column:

Ben: James Franklin. I think this is the year people finally realize James Franklin just isn’t that great of a coach. He’s done nothing but alienate the fanbase since he got to Happy Valley, and basically turned on Christian Hackenberg last year. You know Penn State boosters and administrators want to install a winner ASAP to help forget past… unpleasantries. Canning Franklin is the right move, lest this team continue to live in the shadow of despair.

Sleeper Team

Max: Indiana. I picked them to be the fourth-best team in the conference this year. I honestly don’t know why I did. I just like them this year and think this could finally be their breakthrough. I picked them to be better than Michigan. It’s a weird thing. I picked the B1G West to beat up on each other for the most part, but I could see Minnesota and Northwestern being very good and challenging Iowa as well this year for the top spot.

Jonah: Minnesota - At the end of the day I think they’re still Minnesota, but that schedule sets up pretty nice. Nobody is sleeping on the big names in the East and pretty much everyone has Iowa at the top of the west at this point. I could see Nebraska or Northwestern making a push, but that schedule for Minnesota gives them a solid chance to finish near the top of the west this year.

Rob: It’s without question Penn State, in my opinion. On offense, the Nittany Lions have a great pair of receivers in Chris Godwin and DaeSean Hamilton as well as one of the best backs in the country in Saquon Barkley. If some players are able to emerge on that defense, watch out.

Dylan: Originally I was going to say Northwestern, but they have Iowa, MSU, and OSU on the road. Ouch. I agree with Chad Leistikow that Minnesota may shock some people this season. They basically have Iowa’s schedule last year (+ Penn State) and a solid NFL prospect at QB. Iowa’s game in Minneapolis is huge.

John: Minnesota. Say what you want about Mitch Leidner, but I’ve watched him torch Iowa’s defense two years in a row. The dude can ball, whether the rest of the world knows it or not (they don’t). If the Gophers can overcome a new coach, a chaotic athletic department, and the fact that they are the Gophers, this is a team that could be a serious threat to challenge Iowa for the B1G West title.

Danny: Wisconsin. Everyone seems to count out the Badgers, myself included to a degree, because of a potentially looming down year, but this is still Wisconsin. Coaching turmoil aside, this is still a great program that can beat anyone at any time.

Ben: Northwestern. Something about me just really likes this team. Northwestern won 10 games last year—one of those coming against Stanford! The Wildcats return quarterback Clayton Thorson and all-American linebacker Anthony Walker. There’s a lot to like about this team, though their schedule is tough playing at Ohio State and Michigan State. The winner of the Northwestern-Iowa game will decide the West, however. Luckily, Iowa will edge out the Wildcats at home.