MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 1: BLOODPUNCH vs. GIRLS GENERATION
DANCE DANCE DANCE TIL WE RUN THIS TOWN
OPA OPA OWIE OWIE
ARF ARF ARF ARF
NOKA CHECK A NAAAA
A BOKA CHECK A NAAA
TAI NO IN CHI, AND HERE'S GARY
LET'S GO GET SOME LUNCH
THEN YOU CAN GET BLOODPUNCH
A CLUB SANDWICH OR BLT
I don't understand a word of this, and I don't care
I guess you can say I don't CARE-EAN.
Good one, Gary.
Hey, thanks, Pelican of the Night.
Yeah, good one.
Wait a second.
You're not Kirk.
What are you doing heAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Bloodpunch and Girls Generation have been eliminated by pelican solicitation
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 1: JAMIE POLLARD vs. NYAN CAT
Iowa State athletics, where we fired the secretaries to pay for a stadium we'll never fill! Jamie speaking.
Jamie, it's Kirk Ferentz
Look, this is going to sound weird, but I'm calling to tell you that you're in danger.
Save it, Ferentz. You're just pulling another prank.
And, for once, I'm not going to fall for it.
No, listen Jamie. I'm being totally serious.
You're supposed to have a Marchifornication battle today, right?
Yep! I'm playing Nyan Cat at Mount Rushmore.
In fact, you called me and told me to go there.
Go to Minnesota and turn left. Got it.
And you're telling me this came straight from Commissioner Breadman?
Yep, Breadman asked me to call you personally.
I never called you.
Yes you did, Kirk!
Don't you think it's strange that you're being sent to Mount Rushmore? By me? CALLING AS MYSELF?
No weirder than anything else on BHGP.
Still, watch out, especially if you hear someone spewing nonsense in the distance.
Screw off, Ferentz. Maybe you should go check on your buddy Gary.
I hear he's having issues with a human-like bird again.
/goes to Mount Rushmore
All right, Nyan Cat. Let's do this.
/farts a rainbow
So...how do we do this?
My only exposure to cats is Farmageddon
rumble how about that gameday traffic folks
Rumble Iowa Recruiting Is Really Rolling Rumble
Maybe Prohm could use a pet cat. He seems lonelAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
RUMBLE I WEAR SUNGLASSES INDOORS RUMBLE
Jamie Pollard and Nyan Cat have been eliminated by Hartylanche
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 1: KIRK FERENTZ vs. DINOSAUR RACECARS
What's up, everyone?
Shit, it's Birk Berentz.
Birk Berentz? No, I'm Kirk Ferentz.
Sure you are. That's what Birk Berentz would say.
Guys, it's really me, Kirk Ferentz.
I just grew out my beard during the offseason for my comedy tour.
Thought it would score me some points with the college crowd, like Jon Stewart.
You're on a comedy tour?
Yeah. It's mostly observational stuff.
Like, "What's the deal with the trap play? It's not like you can use a bear trap on the football field."
"Hashtag outside zone 4 life"
That's not even a joke.
The college kids think it's pretty funny.
Try this one out: "What's the deal with passing the football? It's not like you're going faster than the ball, or that there's a left lane on the field to use."
"Hashtag no passing zone."
Good one, Kirk.
Kirk Ferentz has been eliminated by Birk Berentz
ROAR VROOM ROAR
I could just let the natural progression of time take its course and kill them off
No. The racecars. Have you seen Nascar TV ratings?
Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of time.
RUMBLE VAN COLEMAN RUMBLE
Dinosaur Racecars have been eliminated by Hart-eor
MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: FRAN McCAFFERY vs. ?????
Huh, guess I advance by default.
I've got Fran-mentum!
Fran McCaffery has been eliminated by shoe
AT BHGP HEADQUARTERS...
There's nothing left.
All the greats are gone, consumed by darkness.
There's nowhere left to turn.
Ferentz: Gone. Barta: Gone. Pollard: Gone.
We've been done in by our own cynical creation.
Kind of ironic, no?
Still, there's nothing left to do but kill off Marchifornication.
...There is ONE thing.
We haven't done it since 2008.
Wait, do you mean...?
What, guys? I wasn't here then.
Can we even do that again?
We have to. We don't have any other choice.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT IS IT
We have to enter Marchifornication.