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Because I’m not writing this story again.

Iowa defensive tackle recruit Juan Harris decommitted yet again yesterday, marking the third time that the 370-pound high schooler has...

You know what? I’m not writing this story for a third time, only to have to write it a fourth and fifth time this fall when Harris recommits and decommits again because the coaches are too busy with actual football to give him the attention he demands. You guys can write this story from memory.

In fact, yes, you can write it. Just fill in the following details, and the Juan Harris Decommitment Story Mad Lib Template should produce a better story than anything I can write.

  1. Number between three and ten: ____________________
  2. First name: ____________________
  3. Your street name: ____________________
  4. Local newspaper or internet weblog: ____________________
  5. Verb ending in -ing: ____________________
  6. Noun, preferably food: ____________________
  7. Synonym for “classy”: ____________________
  8. Synonym for “patient”: ____________________
  9. Number between one and five: ____________________
  10. Number between three and twenty: ____________________
  11. First name of Iowa football assistant: ____________________
  12. Last name of Iowa football assistant: ____________________
  13. Number between one and three: ____________________
  14. Shiny object or laser pointer: ____________________
  15. Term of family relation: ____________________
  16. NFL team: ____________________
  17. First name of player for NFL team in No. 16: ____________________
  18. Last name of player for NFL team in No. 16 (does not have to be the same player as No. 17): ____________________
  19. Kingdom (might I suggest Prussia?): ____________________
  20. Number: ____________________
  21. Number between two and six: ____________________

Now, just copy your answers into the template below, and congratulations: You’re a professional Iowa recruiting writer!