[SCENE: A pristine office in Iowa City. Head coach Fran McCaffery sits at a desk, poring over AAU scouting reports. The normally unflappable man seems slightly agitated. The best-dressed man you've ever seen knocks on the door, and walks in.]
Hello, Sherman Dillard, the best-dressed man I've ever seen. Come on in.
Thanks for having me in. How are things going?
Taking care of some recruiting business this morning.
Our scholarships are pretty well spoken for going forward, aren't they?
Well yeah, for the most part. And I really like where we are with the wing situation, Sherm. We're going to compete in the Big Ten for years and years to come.
Yessir, I believe that.
The one area where I'm a little worried is getting another big man in the mix. We've got Kriener and Cook, but after that, I don't know what we're going to do. We need another body in there.
What are you thinking?
Well, I think we've got the personnel to spread defenses to the perimeter, and then we can work a two-man game on the pick-and-roll. But we need the right big man.
So he's obviously going to need some size, just for the rough-and-tumble of the conference.
This is the Big Ten, baby!
It sure is!
But he's also got to be able to roll.
Mobility is crucial to this whole thing, Sherm.
Size and rollability.
That's it. Here's the thing, though. [holds up pile of papers] There aren't very many guys like that in the mix, according to my scouting reports. And the few that are out there aren't viable recruiting targets for us—too far away, too many high-major offers, their AAU teams wear Adidas...
Who wears that crap? Honestly. Even ISU's smart enough to wear Nike.
Well, Coach Fran, I have some good news for you. I found a kid who has everything you want.
You're kidding me.
Big boy, strong on the roll...
Huge Iowa fan.
Well c'mon, who is it already?
The future is now everyone pic.twitter.com/UeRje41vRU— Debutante (@Lolitabunnyy) February 9, 2016
You listen to me, and you listen good, Sherm.
Sign this kid immediately.
You got it!
[leans back in chair]