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FRAN MCCAFFERY RECRUITS FOR THE FUTURE

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A rare (and *possibly* fictitious) look inside the recruiting process in Iowa City.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

[SCENE: A pristine office in Iowa City. Head coach Fran McCaffery sits at a desk, poring over AAU scouting reports. The normally unflappable man seems slightly agitated. The best-dressed man you've ever seen knocks on the door, and walks in.]

Icon Sherman Dillard
Coach!

Fran-icon
Hello, Sherman Dillard, the best-dressed man I've ever seen. Come on in.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Thanks for having me in. How are things going?

Fran-icon
Taking care of some recruiting business this morning.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Our scholarships are pretty well spoken for going forward, aren't they?

Fran-icon
Well yeah, for the most part. And I really like where we are with the wing situation, Sherm. We're going to compete in the Big Ten for years and years to come.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Yessir, I believe that.

Fran-icon
The one area where I'm a little worried is getting another big man in the mix. We've got Kriener and Cook, but after that, I don't know what we're going to do. We need another body in there.

Icon Sherman Dillard
What are you thinking?

Fran-icon
Well, I think we've got the personnel to spread defenses to the perimeter, and then we can work a two-man game on the pick-and-roll. But we need the right big man.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Right.

Fran-icon
So he's obviously going to need some size, just for the rough-and-tumble of the conference.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Size, yep.

Fran-icon
This is the Big Ten, baby!

Icon Sherman Dillard
It sure is!

Fran-icon
But he's also got to be able to roll.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Roll, yes.

Fran-icon
Mobility is crucial to this whole thing, Sherm.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Size and rollability.

Fran-icon
That's it. Here's the thing, though. [holds up pile of papers] There aren't very many guys like that in the mix, according to my scouting reports. And the few that are out there aren't viable recruiting targets for us—too far away, too many high-major offers, their AAU teams wear Adidas...

Icon Sherman Dillard
Adidas, man.

Fran-icon
Who wears that crap? Honestly. Even ISU's smart enough to wear Nike.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Well, Coach Fran, I have some good news for you. I found a kid who has everything you want.

Fran-icon
You're kidding me.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Big boy, strong on the roll...

Fran-icon
Likes Iowa?

Icon Sherman Dillard
Huge Iowa fan.

Fran-icon
Well c'mon, who is it already?

Icon Sherman Dillard
...

Fran-icon
...

Icon Sherman Dillard
...

Fran-icon
...

Icon Sherman Dillard
Coach?

Fran-icon
You listen to me, and you listen good, Sherm.

Icon Sherman Dillard
Yessir.

Fran-icon
Sign this kid immediately.

Icon Sherman Dillard
You got it!

Icon Sherman Dillard
[leaves]

Fran-icon
[leans back in chair]

Fran-icon
Hellooooo, championship.