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If this was really a gambling guide for the New Year it would tell you to stop

Welcome back to the saddest corner of the internet.

If you’re anything like me, you’re still hungover from a long weekend of consuming nothing but sugar, butter and alcohol. If you ask me it’s a pretty good diet when you sprinkle a little bit of gambling in there. Builds a strong heart.

Anyway, there’s finally some watchable football on this weekend and I’ll be your tour guide on the sinking ship that is the year 2016. You have just over 36 hours to place bets before it’s 2017, and everyone knows it’s bad luck to carry gambling debt over from one year to the next. Time to clear out your accounts payable and eat lobster tail like a king to ring in the New Year.

But first, let’s start with Iowa’s game against Florida!

The Game

Right now, Iowa is getting three whole points against the Gators. That sounds about right. I think this is a close game that basically comes down to one or two big plays. Florida did show its run defense is vulnerable against Alabama, giving up 234 yards on the ground in the SEC Championship. However one has to in to account the fact that we’re talking about Alabama here.

In any case, I kind of like Iowa and the points! This team is riding a wave of highs, and it’s about damn time we won a Bowl. The under is currently listed at 40.5 and that looks juicy too. Give me Iowa and the under and some flat champagne on Tuesday.

The Rest

Oh yeah, we got a playoff to wager on. And some pretty intriguing Friday matchups as well!

Nebraska +7 vs. Tennessee

This line befuddles me a little, but that’s why I’m here I suppose. I don’t care that Nebraska’s best player in Nathan Gerry is out. Tennessee is not good, and Nebraska has a pretty decent track record in Bowls.

Give me the points and a million yards between Tommy Armpunt and Jordan Westerkamp here.

Florida State +6.5 vs. Michigan

Oh look, more points free for the taking. I know lots of you are probably thinking mew mew mew, but Michigan was a playoff-caliber team, grrrr. Well guess what? Michigan is overrated! And Florida State is the real snub in this year’s playoff hunt. More hot takes coming!

We all saw what Akrum Wadley did against this Michigan defense and well Florida State has Dalvin Cook. So yeah. Florida State wins this one outright. |fire emoji|

Washington +14 vs. Alabama

GAH! BLASPHEMY, BETTING AGAINST SABAN is what you all sound like. Well, good. Let me go ahead and swim upstream here and take the Huskies. Chris Petersen is one of the best game planners in the world, and you can bet he has some goofy things cooked up for the Tide. REMEMBER THESE?

Also, BAMA hasn’t seen this kind of talent on either side of the ball yet this year, so they could be in for some shock. The end is nigh for the Crimson Tide. It is nigh!

Clemson +3 vs. Ohio State

Clemson was a recovered onside kick away from winning the National Championship last year. Don’t overthink this one.

May the odds forever be in your favor this New Year. Drink drink water, sleep sleep alone.