clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

TAKE MY MONEY: YOUR GUIDE TO GAMBLING OVER THE HOLIDAYS

New, 2 comments

Time to earn back what you spent on last-minute presents

Image via myptsd.com

Season’s greetings, everyone. It’s the time of year to gather around family and other loved ones you might not get to see so often. It’s a time to exchange gifts and good cheer with these loved ones, and be reminded why you perhaps don’t see them so often. It’s a time to be thankful for the commodification of college and professional sport, so that games of all sorts are being played during the formerly-sacred holiday season.

We have extra reason to be thankful this year since Christmas Eve and Christmas fall on a Saturday and Sunday, so we have a full slate of NFL games to watch today while avoiding family and our nephews who’s names we can never remember.

We even have a bowl game today! And since Hawaii is playing in the aforementioned game, it’s free money. Time to locate the egg nog, place that flask of bourbon in the inside pocket of your sport coat, and silently judge your sister’s new boyfriend from the comfort of the couch while winning money.

Normally we like to stick to just the college game here, but the holiday season doesn’t give us that luxury at this time. No matter, there are plenty of other things to make it so you come out of the weekend in the black. No returning of gifts in order to pay rent this month needed!

Let’s do this, fellow degenerates.

Middle Tennessee State -7 vs. Hawaii

Ah, the Hawaii Bowl. The only reason post-Colt Brennan Hawaii ever makes a bowl game. True story: this morning, my grandfather made me fetch the newspaper so he could see if MTSU’s starting QB was playing. Well, he is! Time to you know what to the Blue Raiders.

Oh yeah that’s the stuff.

And that’s it for college games. No matter, we have the NFL and NBA to distract us from here on out.

Green Bay -7 vs. Minnesota

This is a must-win for both teams, which means Minnesota has zero chance. Look up Minnesota’s record in must-win games in the history of the earth. I can assure you it’s not good.

Oakland -3.5 vs. Indianapolis

A meaningful Christmas eve game, in Oakland, against a trash Indianapolis team?

Golden State -4 at Cleveland

The loss of JR Smith may be too much to overcome at this time for Cleveland, and LeBron only cares in the playoffs, so wet the beak a little and get rich in this preview of the eventual NBA Finals matchup.

Lakers +6.5 vs. the Clippers

D’angelo Russell is the truth, and is doing his damndest to replace memories of Kobe Bryant in the minds of Lakers fans. Give him the points against the under-performing Clippers on Christmas Day, and profit.

Have a great holiday everyone, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.