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No Matt Millen, this is not a “solid team”

dumpster fire

When doing this column, I will take notes on my phone so I remember certain pieces of the game that will go to build the foundation of the “what went right” and “what went wrong” stuff. By the end of the game, I usually have enough ammo on both sides to give 3-4 bits for each. Yesterday, by about midway through the second quarter of the shitshow against Penn State, I had 0 notes in the “right” column and 6 in the “wrong” column. At that point, I just said screw it, we’re not doing that today.

I mean what analysis is there? The game was eerily similar to the 2012 ass kicking Penn State delivered on a hapless Iowa squad. Iowa will be lucky to get to a bowl this year and frankly, I don’t think it would do the program any favors to get matched up with a 6-6 SEC team in Detroit and still get smoked. For the better part of Kirk Ferentz’s 17 years, I have been a pretty staunch optimist. I don’t like the doom and gloom. But I also don’t like apathy (hello Mr. Lickliter) and that is quickly where Iowa football is headed and even the most ardent optimist (aside from Gary Barta) can see it.

With that said, let’s try a new kind of analysis today.

Penn State scored a TD less than 3 minutes into the game.

CJ got stuffed on a QB sneak for 4th and 1 on the next possession.

Iowa blocked a Penn State field goal to keep the score 7-0.

Penn State’s next TD came on Saquon Barkley’s 57 yard run.

Iowa could not take advantage of 96 yards of PSU penalties (60 in the first half).

Hey Greg Davis put Akrum Wadley in the slot...

...for 2 jet sweeps to the short side for a grand total of 5 yards.

Iowa had 30 yards rushing (-4 in the second half).

Meanwhile, Penn State had 599 yards of offense. The second most in the Ferentz era.

Most Hawkeye fans changed the channel in the second half.

Every other college football fan’s thoughts on a ten-year contract with a huge buyout:

Don’t worry, Michigan is here next week!

This was my first try at a gif article. You’re probably thinking this:

Add some more in the comments!