clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


Time to profit on one of the best gambling weekends of the year

Hello degenerates.

If you’re reading this you might be waiting in line to get in to Best Buy, beaming with confidence that you’re going to buy a camera that you’ll use no more than three times for half price.

But go ahead. Buy that camera, because consumerism makes us happy and it won’t matter because if you take my advice in these digital pages, you’ll be able to purchase that stupid camera 14 times over and still have a little cash left over for an equally-useless Keurig.

There are some TOXIC college football (and basketball!) plays this weekend, but fear not! I’m here to help you navigate the volatile craft that is holiday weekend gambling. Put that cleaver under hot water and fill up a rubber glove with Crisco, that baby is coming out tonight.

The Game

Let’s talk (metaphorical) turkey over this Iowa-Nebraska matchup. Right now the Hawkeyes are favored -2.5 and I kinda like it! Iowa has about as much momentum as a team with this sort of identity can possibly have, and I just don’t trust Nebraska’s quarterback play. If you wanna get cute I suggest moneylining Iowa and leaving nothing to chance.

The over/under is 41.5. I have no reads on this. Tread lightly.

The Rest

Oh it’s lit.

TCU +3.5 at Texas

Are you kidding me? A TCU team getting points against a DEFLATED Texas program. Grab your sun block, we’re going to Hell.

Ohio State -6.5 vs. Michigan

Ohio State wants BLOOD. The Buckeyes are going to need to obliterate Michigan if they want any chance of making it to the playoff since they likely won’t be playing in Indy in the B1G Championship game. Michigan’s quarterback woes aside, I see Ohio State playing this game locked in and running up the score.

Auburn +17.5 at Bama

Auburn always makes this game close. This might be the best Alabama team Nick Saban has ever trotted, but that means nothing. Nothing! All things considered, Saban could probably rest his starters regardless of the score and still make the playoff if they lose this game.

Virginia -10 vs. Iowa

Sorry, but the Cavs are going to stab Iowa to death with a spoon tomorrow. Give me Virginia while I watch this game with a big-ass turkey leg in hand.

Whatever Wichita State is Against Michigan State

Just take the Shockers. The points don’t matter.