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We are running out of weekends to gamble on teenagers playing bloodsport

Hello all.

It’s getting to be that time of year where you eye the calendar and realize that, to your dismay, you are running out of time to gamble on disenfranchised youths playing a bloodsport for their universities.

No matter, thankfully Louisville already played this week so you didn’t have to make the mistake of just blindly wagering your milk money on Lamar Jackson and waiting for the rest to play out.

Anyway, now that I’m done pontificating about the merits of gambling on teenagers playing a game in a world where piracy is still a thing, we can sink our teeth in to some poor financial decisions to make over the weekend.

One week until Black Friday shopping. It’s feast or famine time y’all.

The Game

As of this writing, Iowa is -10 over Illinois. Honestly, I don’t know if there’s a team around that Iowa can beat by 10 points, so let’s just stay away from this one, OK?

Or not. You do you, sad internet person reading sad internet gambling blog.

The over/under is 44. Now THAT is a proposition I can get behind. This feels like a game where the first team to 21 points wins, so let’s just take that to the bank and maybe buy your family a real turkey this year, yeah? We all know those were several rotisserie chickens poorly-fashioned to look like one large turkey last year. Have some goddam self-respect.

The Rest

There’s actually a few things to like this week! Maybe not BENNY’S B1G TEASER (R) worthy, but still something to keep an eye on.

Maryland +13.5 at. Nebraska

Now this bet is contingent on one thing and one thing only: Ryker Fyfe playing quarterback for the Huskers. I have some acquaintances in the Nebraska camp—and aside from the fact Ryker Fyfe sounds like the name that some yuppie gave their dog—I have heard the following descriptors used when talking about Fyfe: “He’s a walking interception,” “my girlfriend has a better throwing motion,” and “he’s just like Tommy Armstrong, just without the mobility, charisma and tendency to occasionally complete passes to guys in red jerseys.”

Well luckily Maryland wears red too, so Fyfe should be extra discombobulated come Saturday.

So yeah. If you don’t tell anyone we’re gambling on Maryland football I won’t either.

Texas Tech -3.5 at Iowa State

Also known as the Iowa Rejects Bowl, this game will provide nothing but schadenfreude. It’s never not a good time to #FadeState so you might as well get even more enjoyment as you watch Nic Shimonek play some garbage time while throwing fade routes to Derrick Willies.

Northwestern -2 at Minnesota

I also kind of like Minnesota +2! One of those will definitely hit. Check in with me before kick off.

Virginia Tech PICK at Notre Dame

Guys VIRGINIA TECH IS A PICK. Are you kidding me? A 7-3 ACC team with wins over Pitt, North Carolina, Miami and Duke (yeah they lost to Syracuse get out of here) is not giving any points to 4-6 Notre Dame. Are we prepared for Notre Dame to not get invited to a bowl game? I am!

Get the cheese wheel ready.

BONUS: Andre Ward -135 over Sergei Kovalev

In what most people—including Vegas—think is a 50-50 fight, two of the best pound-for-pound fighters in the world are facing off in their first PPV fight. If you didn't vote this election season, you have another chance to do your civic duty and hammer Andre Ward against the Russian Kovalev. No better way to heal a nation than having an American FINALLY close the book on the Cold War.