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Please don’t become financially invested in Iowa’s success

Well I hope you guys didn’t bet Iowa last week, because that would have been dumb. Really, really, dumb.

Iowa’s track record is pretty atrocious when it’s a double-digit favorite, so thankfully the Hawkeyes aren’t this week. There’s the green light you need to unload on the Hawkeyes as they travel to take on the lowly Gilded Rodents.

Wait, let’s think this through first.

The Game

Iowa -1: So yeah, Iowa is favored on the road, for some reason. Minnesota just lost on the road to a bad, bad Penn State team, while Iowa last at home, on homecoming, to a horrific Northwestern squad. Neither team deserves to win. I wish this game was being played in Florida so it could get called off and both school’s agreed to just strike this from the record.

I’m going to caution everyone and say just stay away. Please, if you’re reading this, you’re probably already emotionally invested in the Hawkeyes like a sad person. No reason to become financially invested, like an even sadder person. That being said …

The over/under is 51 and Iowa’s defense couldn’t stop a cold I see Minnesota rushing for 250 while maybe Iowa’s ground game can show up too maybe. Let’s take it! It’s literally free money!

Alright, that’s it for Iowa-related gambling, since we already gamble everyday in our lives as Hawkeye fans.

Pickings were kind of slim looking at the other matchups this week, so let’s see what we can scrounge up.

Tennessee +7 at Texas A&M

This is Tennessee’s year, and if you can’t accept that there’s nothing I can do to help you.

Colorado +4.5 at USC

Colorado might just be the biggest surprise in college football this year, and I love the Buffs to win the Pac-12 South. USC is ... not good. The college football world is a better place when Colorado is relevant, or so I’m told. I don’t think the Buffs have been relevant in any of my 24 years on this godforsaken rock. If I can’t have Iowa this year, let me have Colorado.

Stanford -7 vs Washington State

Stanford always needs a good kick in the pants before it can start playing well again, and that’s exactly what Washington just did to the Cardinal. Look for Stanford to go undefeated on the rest of the year while Christian McCaffrey puts up the second-best season ever for a running back only to lose the Heisman to like Josh Dobbs or someone stupid. Shut up I know Lamar Jackson is winning the Heisman this year.

And that’s really it for college football. We do have one JUICY wager for baseball though!

San Francisco Giants series price over the Chicago Cubs: +210

Oh baby this is wet. The Cubs are literally cursed. This is destiny. Chicago is going to shoot itself in the foot in this five-game series and Madison Bumgarner is going to laugh atop the devil’s yarmulke in the bay area as he orchestrates another magical postseason run. Never bet against goat-toting gypsies.