Well this week was interesting! Iowa and Minnesota managed to turn watching football into a chore, somehow, and OH NO MICHIGAN STATE.
Maryland turned into a pumpkin and Maybe Purdue isn’t the worst team in the conference anymore! Looking at you, Rutgers. Just kidding, we always knew Rutgers was the worst team in the land.
The Big Ten remains incredibly top-heavy, and then there’s the rest.
1. Ohio State (5-0, 2-0): Here’s the Buckeyes, sitting firmly at No.1 in the rankings. This won’t change. Next week Ohio State goes to Wisconsin, but I don’t see the Badgers making it out of that one alive. If Sconnie does get a win though, man that would be sweet for some good ol’ chaos.
2. Michigan (6-0. 3-0): Can we talk about how Michigan was going for two despite being up 28-0 at one point? No? OK. Can we talk about why the National Championship trophy was in Piscataway, though?
3. Wisconsin (4-1, 1-1): Wisconsin just had a bye. I have nothing left to say.
4. Nebraska (5-0, 2-0): Nebraska just had a bye. See above.
5-8 (???): Alright. Seriously, who do you put here? Penn State? A Michigan State team that has three losses in a row? A putrid Northwestern team? IOWA?!?! This is so gross. I’m inclined to put Iowa, Penn State, Michigan State and Northwestern in this nether-region, in no particular order. So there’s 5-8 right there.
9. Indiana (3-2, 1-1): Dude I don’t know this is making me sad. You could make the argument that Indiana belongs in the ragtag group of unknowns I lazily mashed together above, but then I would point out that Indiana does not in fact field a defense, despite box scores stating otherwise.
10. Maryland (4-1, 1-1): They go to Minnesota next week. That will be fun!
11. Minnesota (3-2, 0-2): Remember when Minnesota thought it had a chance of winning the Big Ten West?
12. Purdue (3-2, 1-1): Congrats Purdue, you won a conference game for the first time since 2013*. Don’t let this win get to your heads, you take on Iowa next week and that game is going to be so gross.
13. Illinois (1-4, 0-2): Oh man, what can I say about Illinois? You’re like the rebellious teenager I know I’m going to have to deal with in like 20 years. You show great promise when you apply yourself in school, but now you’re hanging out with the wrong crowd and it’s showing in your academic performance. You just lost to Purdue at home. I’m not mad at you, Illinois. I’m just disappointed.
14. Rutgers: (2-4, 0-3): Is there enough alcohol on earth to help Rutgers forget it just let Michigan accumulate 481 rushing yards and 11 touchdowns? A case study.
*This is not true. I think.