I had such high hopes for the 2015 Iowa Hawkeyes. Every day was supposed to bring new opportunities and open new vistas for me. The offensive line was to be a sieve. The defensive line a complete pushover. The linebackers were going to be torched in pass coverage and the punters constantly on the field. This would all lead to heated discussions of Kirk Ferentz's buyout becoming daily occurrences. Gary Barta's very existence would enrage large portions of commenters. People might even start calling for Wiegers to take over. And Greg Davis? Oh, the Greg Davis arguments would be delicious.

I realize it's only two weeks, but my disappointment is massive. There are no arguments. You people are...happy? I don't know what to do with this and it's affecting me in ways I never thought possible. I feel weak all the time, I've developed a very deep cough, and I'm sleeping all the time. It's awful, and it's your fault. Can't you losers argue about anything? Remember how much fun it was to argue about the new UI President? That was the best. Let's do more of that.

Without more arguments I don't think I'll make it more than a couple weeks. Unless...yesssss, the Hawks must lose. A defeat at the hands of Pittsburgh and, dare I hope?, North Texas will do the trick. That will cause this place to meltdown, and I will become more powerful than ever. I must do everything I can to make this reality.

I have work to do...