ESPN debuted their promo video for the 2015 College Football Playoff today. Like last year's video, it's excellent. Also like last year's video, Iowa makes an appearance. (More on that in a bit.) More importantly, though, it shows us a glimpse of the future and let me tell you folks, THE FUTURE IS TERRIFYING.
First up: a literal sea of blood:
Then we have this chilling tableau that needs no further explanation:
THE WORLD HAS BEEN CONQUERED BY HALF-HUMAN, HALF-ANIMAL CANNIBALISTIC MONSTERS. HUMANITY IS DOOMED.
Also: the SEC is weird y'all.
The video even attempts to explain the terrifying biological reality in this new nightmarish reality:
Which is in fact where we find our beloved Hawkeyes:
Of course Lil Red is there; you couldn't possibly have an apocalypse without that hellspawn. There's also -- WAIT.
Who's that near Herky?
OMHR! Of course a soulless monstrosity like Purdue Pete would make it to the end times.
#THERIVALRY NEVER DIES, EVEN WHEN ALL OTHER LIFE HAS BEEN DESTROYED. Our hate for Purdue is eternal, just as theirs is for us.
But wait, actually we're going after Brutus Buckeye... although we're also waging a two-front war with an attack on Cy. Even in the face of armageddon, the siren song of the Iowa Corn Cy-Hawk Trophy cannot be ignored.
But wait... is there something even more terrifying waiting for us in this desolate landscape?
GAHHHH. Humanity has survived, but only as a mindless cult dedicated to the teachings of Noted Khaki Enthusiast Jim Harbaugh. What a grim vision of the future.
Yeah... good luck sleeping now. THE MASCOTS ARE GONNA GET YOU.
...although if the alternative is an existence as an empty husk devoted to Harbaughism, maybe the cold embrace of oblivion would be preferable.
Welcome to college football in 2015!