BHGP EXCLUSIVE: BLACK & GOLD FOOTBALL SURVEY #2 LEAKED

Recently, the UI Athletic Department sent out the first in a series of surveys to football season ticket holders gauging the priorities and expectations of fans for the program. A source has delivered to BHGP the second survey in the series, which has not yet been sent out.

Black and Gold Feedback -- No. 2
Really, How Important to You is "Winning" and "Doing It Right"?

1. On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being not important and 10 being most important, how important is "Win" to you as a fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes?

• 1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

2. On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being not important and 10 being most important, how important is "Do It Right" to you as a fan of the Iowa Hawkeyes?

• 1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

3. It is possible that you gave the same rating for each of the first two questions. We would like you to prioritize "Win" and "Do It Right." Please select from the options below the one (1) order that accurately describes your priorities.

• Win - Do It Right
• Do It Right - Win

Hypothetical Scenarios

Sometimes, it is helpful to test the strength of your priorities by imagining hypothetical scenarios where competing values come into conflict. Please give your best guess as to how you would behave in the following situations:

4. Suppose you are a recruiting assistant for the Iowa Hawkeyes. You find yourself in the neighborhood of a hotly pursued, four-star recruit, who has narrowed his list down to Iowa and Minnesota. Although visiting the recruit at this time would violate NCAA rules, do you:

a) "Do It Right" - turn your car around and go home.
b) "Win" - drive to the recruit's house

[if you answered "a" to this or any of the remaining questions, please ignore questions all questions that follow in the sequence]

5. Further suppose that on your way to the house, you notice the familiar maroon SUV of Minnesota coach Jerry Kill at a filling station. Do you:

a) "Do It Right" - give Coach Kill a friendly wave and continue home to your loving wife and children.
b) "Win" - when Coach Kill is in the restroom, sneak under the chassis of the SUV and surreptitiously cut the brake line with the trusty utility tool you keep clipped to your belt.

6. Now suppose Coach Kill runs into you outside the filling station and, not noticing the suspicious dirt and oil stains on your previously clean shirt, asks if you know how to get to a certain address - the address of the hotly pursued recruit. Do you:

a) "Do It Right" - cheerfully give Coach Kill the address, then continue home to your loving wife, who no doubt has a delicious roast ready in the oven for your dinner.
b) "Win" - give Coach Kill directions that take him down the steepest hill in town, the one that leads directly into the riverside.

7. As the sounds of Coach Kill's screams echo in the distance as he first begins to realize that something is amiss with his car, do you:

a) "Do It Right" - call 911 and warn them of the impending disaster and their probably need for an ambulance and scuba rescue team, then turn yourself in, despite the fact that your loving wife is no doubt at home, looking at the kitchen clock with increasing impatience and worry?
b) "Win" - continue coolly on your way to the recruit's house.

8. When you reach the recruit's house, do you:

a) "Do It Right" - immediately repent of your sins, remembering that you are violating NCAA rules and are, in all likelihood, a murderer; go home to your loving wife, tearfully confess all, and then report to the nearest police station.
b) "Win" - meet the recruit and strongly imply that choosing Iowa could be a very financially beneficial choice for the recruit and his family. "Your house is looking a little run down," you might say, "but if you go to Iowa, I bet we could get some people to come fix it up - or heck, maybe you're thinking about moving." That sort of thing.

9. When the recruit continues to express some reservations about attending Iowa, do you:

a) "Do It Right" - leave the premises immediately, confess as above while granting an exclusive interview to a national publication exposing the rotten underbelly of the college sports; while in prison for murder, take up the ministry and emerge from your cell 25 years later a changed man, one who is worthy of returning to your loving wife?
b) "Win" - go to the SUV and return with a large sack of money, assuring the recruit that there is "plenty more where this came from." [In addition, it should be assumed that prior to all these events you had established a slush fund based on large life insurance policies you had taken out on various other coaches and recruiters that had/would have met their untimely demises.]

10. After the recruit has taken the money and signed his letter of intent, do you:

a) "Do It Right" - confess and take up prison ministry as above, then return home to your loving wife only to discover that she has years ago remarried; understanding the pain and embarrassment you must have caused her, apologize sincerely to her and her new husband Brent, then quietly leave and begin your new life as a mendicant preacher.
b) "Win" - drive to a strip club outside town that you know to be patronized by a certain other major conference recruiter. As you attempt the same brake line trick on this recruiter's SUV, he spots you and angrily confronts you; the utility tool is in your hand, and, in the skirmish, the mini-saw blade pops out and somehow impales itself in the opposing recruiter's skull.

11. There is a body on the ground, the red pool of blood surrounding it intermittently turned black by the angry neon lights of Foxy's Cabaret. Do you:

a) "Do It Right" - confess to your new crime as well as all previous crimes, find a way to seek some sort of forgiveness and redemption during your consecutive life sentences.
b) "Win" - dispose of the body, clean yourself off, go into the club, and woo the recruit you find there with whatever remaining cash and/or cocaine you have in your vehicle. [Assume you had a large supply of cocaine in the vehicle prior to setting out.]

Tell Us About You

12. Are you a resident of Platte County, Missouri, and eligible to serve on a jury?
• Yes.
• No.

13. Have you served on a jury in the past three years?

• Yes.
• No.

14. How would you rate your attitude toward the death penalty?

a) Never appropriate.
b) Sometimes appropriate, but only for the most heinous crimes.
c) Appropriate for a wide variety of serious, violent crimes.

15. Would you consider yourself a "fan" of the Minnesota Golden Gophers or Northern Illinois Huskies?

a) Yes.
b) No.

We know you purchased tickets to the home games of the 2015 University of Iowa football team. Again, thank you for that investment. We appreciate it immensely. Please select from the options below the one (1) that most accurately describes you.

• In addition to my purchase of season tickets for football, once or twice I'll attend a home game of another UI team.
• I understand that in this fallen world, certain sacrifices have to be made to Get Things Done.
• I am a remorseless machine whose sole joy in life derives from the success of his school's football program and who would countenance nearly any kind of enormity in the name of that program's furthered success.
• I watch "True Detective" and think: "This approximates my moral universe."
• In addition to my purchase of season tickets for football, I also make an annual contribution to the National I-Club.