Hi, I'm Hawk6894, you might remember me from such posts as The Rudock Interception Explained and The Four Best and One Worst Kick Holders of the Ferentz Era.
Yes, I'm still alive. And not only that, I come with a once and a lifetime offer courtesy of Black Heart Gold Pants Enterprises!
Tired of buying that same box of chocolates and same bouquet of roses for your significant other? Tired of that same Hallmark card that sings Dolly Parton's "Islands in the Stream" when you open it? Tired of your romantic gestures turning into another restraining order (Jessica, call me!)?
Well, you — yes, you! — are going to be blown away by the 2015 Black Heart Gold Pants Valentines. For a low, low price of $39.99, you receive 24 Valentines featuring you're favorite Hawkeyes.
Everybody is here.
You've got Coach Ferentz:
Can't forget Coach Brands:
We've got Valentines for romantic gestures:
Valentines for the ladies:
Even Valentines for when you're feeling naughty:
And if you're ready to start anew and get back into the dating world, well we even have a Valentine for that:
So call today! Operators are standing by and, just in case you have any reservations, we will include a gift of BHGP candy hearts at no additional price.
You heard me right! Twenty-four unforgettable romantic Valentines, plus one pound of BHGP candy hearts all for just $39.99.
What are you waiting for? Call now! And remember, you can't spell love without BHGP.
Disclaimer: you can actually spell "love" without BHGP, all proceeds from BHGP Valentines go to the Kirk Ferentz Salary Fund, offer void in the contiguous United States, Alaska, Hawaii and Guam, candy hearts for decorative use only — please do not consume.