PURDUE: WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOSE?

Purdue, we got one question for you.

(Photo by Caylor Arnold-USA TODAY Sports)

WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

We'll leave out any comments about the fangs mouthguard because while it's corny as all hell, if the first place we saw it was on, say, LeShun Daniels Jr then we'd probably think it was all right. Fair is fair.

It really does take a lot of work to look like a Vandy ripoff, seeing as how Vandy itself is a ripoff of intercollegiate football. And the logo is, if we're being honest, a betrayal of basic player safety. If there's one thing I was taught at all levels of football, it's that if your P is colored gold, you're dehydrated. Drink more water on your breaks, guys!

And while we'll also give Purdue the scintilla of credit for not trying the choo-choo train logo helmets again, this new lid is probably worse. Sure, it's matte black—whatever—but... the middle stripe is train tracks.

Let's think about that one for a second.

If you see empty train tracks coming straight your way, that's not going to intimidate you. It means you're the train. And now Purdue's dead-last B1G rush defense makes a lot more sense.

As for your weird-ass mascot...

(Photo by Brian Spurlock-USA TODAY Sports)

WHAT. ARE. THOSE.

Purdue Pete looks like what would happen if Cold War-era communist countries experimented with mascots (and also they were out of red paint, I guess). Hey kids look, it's Misshapen Construction Engineer Man! Build things! For the good of the mother country!

At this point it'd be better for Purdue if they just had an anthropomorphic train wheeling around the field, and if you're wondering if I mean this, YES I DO.

At the very least the preoccupation with choo-choo trains would be finally aimed at a more age-appropriate audience. Go play on the tracks, Purdue.