WISCONSIN: WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOSE?

Wisconsin, we got one question for you.

Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

BUCKY WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING. You turned Indiana's weirdo candy stripe pants into a freakish turtleneck, slapped your "Flying W" on it with all the grace and intellectual honesty of a "Hosted by ebaumsworld" banner, you're not even bothering with pants as if "Long sleeve shirt and nothing on bottom" isn't an affront to all that's holy.

AND THE SHOES.

WHAT. ARE. THOSE.

We keeping you from something, Bucky? You got a mall to walk after this is done? I know y'all have a deal with Adidas, but that doesn't mean you need to go searching for a pair of their shoes at Goodwill.

The Wisconsin uniforms are so obviously ripoffs of Nebraska's—right down to the two-stripe shoulders and pants—that it doesn't even warrant discussion of these things as unique and terrible objects. And I know Wisconsin wasn't planning on sharing a division with Nebraska when they decided to pull an ISU-USC, but the two teams are together now, so an apology is in order.

But we have to talk about that logo. C'mon.

That's one seriously bloated W, which makes this the most geographically accurate logo in the Big Ten. All it needs now is butter sweats.

At least Nebraska and Wisconsin, courtesy of their blessèd uniform supplier, gave us the worst ocular assault in Big Ten history three years ago.

Losing in those uniforms is the ultimate indignity.

WHAT. ARE. THOSE. We'd offer to pray for you, but prayer ain't about to get that "adidas" off your jerseys.