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THE HYBRID: CONFERENCE PLAY AND WE'RE DOIN' OK

This week's rundown of the college football slate features Bobby Loesch contacting Nicki Meyer, Iowa-Sconnie, decapitation, and teleportation.

By Bobby Loesch
Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

The Hybrid is a weekly preview of every Big Ten game, plus relevant or whimsy games from the national slate.

So Nicki Meyer launched a blog called AllAboutPerspective because sometimes the football gods smile down upon me.

In her first submission, she talks about her interests, her family, her career path, and oh-who-am-I-kidding let's get to The Contract!

I’m sure I will be asked, so yes, I am the creator of the pink contract (my one and only claim to fame!) – never in a million years thought that would become what it did – I’m just thankful my dad took it so seriously! I will get into that story another time.

Another time?!? Are you slow playin' us?! I want to know everything about this. Was Urban about to sell the lake house? Was it anger regarding a missed volleyball game? Was he a zombie due to sleep deprivation? All of the above? What was the tipping point? Also, you guys: did we know The Contract was pink? I feel like we did not know this.

So what on earth is this blog going to be about if we can't discuss The Contract quite yet?

I just want to get my perspective (ed- I see what you did there) out there. I watch the same exact games, hear the same press conferences, watch the same news channels as you, but there is a part of the story the media doesn’t report on and that you don’t get to know about us, and I wish you could, because it doesn’t get enough credit. Obviously I can’t share EVERYTHING, but the things that I know you would enjoy, you will find on here.

Things about Ohio State I enjoy: The Contract, Jim Tressel losing his job for the stupidest of reasons, your father eating pizza alone in the bowels of Lucas Oil Stadium, end of list*.

(* - outside of well covered cool things like Cardale Jones, Zeke Elliot, and Braxton Miller)

This is raw, real, honest and it will more than likely be entertaining!

Rawwww.

*Disclaimer – I did not go to school for journalism, nor was it ever a strength of mine, so please read forgivingly and ignore any mistakes.

Or as our man @PFTCommenter likes to say, this blog is for telling, not spelling.

Also – be prepared for a wide range of emotions – football has the highest highs and the lowest lows!

"Like, one time, we didn't go undefeated and dominate everyone."

And, for our ending, she drops the hammer.

Lastly – please email allaboutperspectiveblog@gmail.com with any specific interests and questions I can answer or talk about – haters, go ahead and send the hate mail, I’m really glad social media has given you a chance to abuse people you don’t know – but those of you who are positive, we see you and hear you and are very thankful for you!!

Thanks for reading, and enjoy my point of view on this crazy life!

We need to e-mail Nicki Meyer. But what about? "What it's like to be in such a high profile football family?" Her thoughts on Ohio State's upcoming games? Her... oh-who-am-I-kidding let's ask about The Contract.

Nicki Meyer E-mail

Be cool, people. We'll see what she says.

In conclusion, a picture she posted of Urban Meyer with a mustache.

THE HYBRID

Thursday

Miami (FL) at Cincinnati: Miami is undefeated. Cincinnati was undefeated... before losing to Temple and Memphis. This game is not interesting. But we do have this:

Also, I spelled Cincinnati wrong in both this sentence and the paragraph above, despite having that entire song at my disposal. I have failed Keanu Reeves yet again.

Friday Night Lights

Memphis at South Florida: Well hey, Memphis!

UConn at BYU: I have way too much Michigan crap this week, so I'm dumping this De'Veon Smith GIF here:

Or the better version:

Saturday

South Carolina at Missouri: Wait, Mizzou isn't ranked. Did they lose last week?

/looks up

They did! To Kentucky. 21-13. Ah well.

Purdue at Michigan State (2): Sparty deserves all the ink here, but this Purdue headline (by a Purdue blog!) was too damn good.

And wow, Bowling Green is gettin' a little lippy at your expense:

As for the Spartans, they need to get healthy. They do not resemble a top ranked team at all, but if their new dudes can gel some, winning bigger games down the line isn't remotely out of the question. It's just looking iffier than originally expected.

Minnesota at Northwestern (16): Last week, I compared the great-defense-spotty-offense identity of these teams to a staring contest. Well, we get a guaranteed blink this week.

Also this happened:

Iowa at Wisconsin (19): Most hyped I've been for an Iowa game in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng ass time. A few talking points:

1.

Yes.

2. Ross:

On paper, that game looks like the most challenging game on Iowa's schedule this year -- Wisconsin hasn't looked quite as good as expected (especially on offense), but their defense has been stifling since the opener against Alabama and they still have dangerous weapons on offense.

But... but... Clement's in freakin' Germany!

3. Overall thoughts: I don't know, man. All I've ever wanted from Iowa was for them to roll the teams they were supposed to roll while being competitive in the toss up games. This is a toss up game. There is no shame in losing to Wisconsin, but I truly believe we have the horses to keep up with Bucky. You just... never know what to expect from a college team on the road. Eggs have been lain in the past. But still, in a season where calling the Hawkeyes' schedule "meh" might be an overstatement, this is a must. watch. game that's going to tell us maybe more than we're ready to know about CJB and the rest of the squad. Get it, get it.

Army at Penn State: Hackenberg! Our man finally came alive against San Diego State, throwing 3 TDs, 0 INTs, and 296 yards.

I also have to mention this because it's funny: a Penn State freshman RB threw one pass for 32 yards, and his QBR was 19 points higher than Hack's. Tough break.

West Virginia (23) at Oklahoma (15): West Virginia's undefeated... so, I guess. I mean, Iowa isn't the only college football team who flattens cheerleaders.

Texas at TCU (4): Screw TCU. Did y'all see that ending last week? Watch this ending. I remember seeing this for the first time and immediately thinking "Miracle finish, but maybe it wasn't fourth down?"

It was fourth down. Are they frauds or on a date with destiny? The smart numbers probably say frauds. And as for Texas Tech nearly coming back, I don't know if I have a bigger football pet peeve than when dudes run into tackles during desperation lateral plays. You are literally ending the game and ruining everything! Throw the ball to someone else!

Louisville at North Carolina State: Wolfpack still undefeated.

Florida State (11) at Wake Forest: The Seminoles have been under-the-radar all year, and being off last week did them no favors.

Alabama (13) at Georgia (8): Game of the Week. And it's all stakes. 'Bama wins, and they are absolutely back in the national conversation (and mostly waiting for Ole Miss to slip up). Georgia wins? We, definitively, have to stop making fun of them until at least the SEC title game. Can the Bulldogs drive a stake into the Saban dynasty?

Texas Tech at Baylor (5):

Nebraska at Illinois: Two of the Big Ten's most prominent heart attack teams; can't wait. I was actually supposed to go to this game (my stepdad is a Nebraska fan), but then a friend scheduled a wedding, Mikey tore his ACL, and boy did I get lucky.

/skates away

Ohio State (1) at Indiana: The Bucks finally get tested... from an Indiana team who refuses to give up third quarter points. Speaking of...

Did Indiana give up points in the third quarter?

Week 1 (Southern Illinois): No
Week 2 (Florida International): No
Week 3 (Western Kentucky): No

Week 4 (Wake Forest): No

No? No! Despite giving up double digit points in both the second and fourth quarters, IU did not give up a point to the Demon Deacons in the third quarter. Or the first! Bonus!!!

Speaking of weekly features... Commenter Dip-Shit wrote last week:

I propose an Urban Meyer feelings chart ranging from "I’m too sick good to continue coaching at Florida" (cough… Jim Tressel just got fired…cough) to "I’m really sad and depressed; please let me eat my pizza alone and in peace."

That will definitely be happening. Speaking of Urban Meyer eating pizza alone...

Cool shirt, bros.

...

Haha.

Kansas State at Oklahoma State (20): So, Cowpokes, how'd that Texas game go?

Oh. I... I see.

Washington State at California (24): What do we know about QB1 at Cal? I saw his name at the top of a 2016 NFL mock draft and realized I'd never even heard of the dude before.

(Thank you for reading my college football column.)

Also, USC is off this week, but as we all know, partying doesn't take a vacation:

Sark After Dark

Ole Miss (3) at Florida (25): Big game, Florida. Gotta keep focused.

Arkansas at Tennessee: Ohio State has beaten Michigan nine of the last 10 times they've played, so this cheered me up considerably.

Eastern Michigan at LSU (9): You guys have to watch the first, like, 15 seconds of this Louisiana DB's recruiting video.

How exquisite was that music? A surprisingly refreshing change of pace.

(h/t @zsplan)

Arizona State at UCLA (7): First thing's first: are these uniforms, like, really cool, or is it just me?

Also, this sign at GameDay last week was great:

Mississippi State (21) at Texas A&M (14): Texas A&M is unbeaten, and Mississippi State's only loss was to LSU by just two points.

Notre Dame (6) at Clemson (12): Looooove this game. Though it may, on paper, look like the obvious Game of the Week, I think it has lost at least an ounce of luster due to the ND injuries and Clemson not blowing the doors off lesser opponents as originally expected. Plus, the other game is two SEC heavyweights fighting for supremacy. It's just apples and oranges, I suppose. But let's not get away from how solid this game is in its own right. And you don't even need to take my word for it. Let's bring in not-biased-at-all Clemson Tom for his takes:

Words cannot express how excited I am for this matchup. A night game in Death Valley is something every football fan needs witness. College GameDay plans to be at Clemson University on Saturday to display the ass kicking the Tigers will give Notre Dame. Earlier this week, some of the Notre Dame players decided they were going to trash talk our players. Either they have a death wish or they are extremely ignorant. I'm going with the latter. We ain't Virginia, and we ain't Georgia Tech. This is big boy football in the South and you can expect our defense to probably decapitate the receivers. Kaiser might actually leave the game.

Our players took their trash talk extremely personal. Notre Dame is consistently overrated year after year and yet they never really do anything. Right, Alabama? Is it because they were good when my granddad was in Peabody? It doesn't matter because Clemson will win this game.

Rudy was offsides.

Shots. Fired.

Michigan (22) at Maryland: BUTT WEEK.

DEFENSE.

CITIZENSHIP?

CITIZENSHIP.

As for Maryland, their new QB put up, like, -5 fantasy points last week (not exaggerating), and we also have more fodder for the weekly Why Are Rutgers And Maryland And Rutgers In The Big Ten, Again? question:

Sheesh.

Oregon at Colorado: We live in a world where Michigan is ranked but Oregon isn't. I do not like this world.

The one good thing is it makes MSU's win over the Ducks look worse. But man, the typical misguided anti-spread rhetoric that came out of this one from the Utah players...

"To beat Oregon, you have to be a Stanford-type team, to have power and toughness. That's their kryptonite."

Yes, I'll never forget when Oregon lost to Cam Newton/Gus Malzahn's pro style Auburn team in the national title game. As well as Urban Meyer's pro style Ohio State team*. Those two styles sure were pro.

"Flashy team," is how receiver Kenneth Scott described the Ducks. "Flashy and finesse, the double Fs. We are a tough team. They're a finesse team."

Anyone who doesn't want their favorite football team to at least be a little flashy is an idiot. Fuck, Utah put up 62 points in their win over Oregon. That's not flashy?!? And Stanford. Punting from the opponent's 27 Stanford. A team that is 3-10 against Oregon since 2002. That's your blueprint?! Good day, sir.

Manball zealots remind me of hardcore NHL fans. Though I love hockey, its most loyal followers tend to have a lot of misplaced jealousy and hatred for athletes in other sports, particularity NBA players. You never really hear NBA fans bash Sydney Crosby or make memes, but you always hear hockey fans saying things like "LeBron is such a pussy! He shoulda gone back into the game after they chopped his foot off." Oregon rolls people, never says shit, and goes onto the next thing. Power teams always have crap like "We were tougher. We out-toughed them. We were tough enough. Rough and tough. Tuffy Rhodes." The Ducks could literally say "We were faster and more athletic and so much cooler did you SEE OUR WEIRD UNIFORMS?" every game, but they never have the need. It's so well known. Swoosh.

(* - I fully acknowledge Zeke Elliot and Cardale Jones were battering rams in that game, but Ohio State and Oregon have a ton of stylistic similarities)

Hawaii at Boise State: I've watched this extremely closely at least 5-10 times and still can't figure out how the ball gets into his hands. Forget the Smith run, this is real teleportation.

Arizona at Stanford (18): RichRod is dead, and we killed him. I hope y'all are happy. We could have had him kissing cheerleader(s).

If Stanford wins this game, I will be so, so sad.

* * *

Wrapping It Up...

/checks GMail to see if Nicki Meyer has responded

She hasn't. But let's remain optimistic.

Bobby Loesch is a weekly contributor to Black Heart Gold Pants. Follow him on Twitter @bobbystompy or e-mail at bobbyloesch [at] gmail.com.

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