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IOWA TOUCHDOWNS FOR KIDS 2014 UPDATE: I AM DOING THE HORSE THINGS

Here's where we stand on donations, and we still need help figuring out where to go from here.

By Adam Jacobi

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I'M A HORSE
I'M A HORSE
ME

Hello, friends. Adam J here, and we've got a little bit to talk about. Let's get to it.

First things first: BHGP's Touchdowns For Kids pledge levels are officially ridiculous, and the best we have ever done.

By the latest count, BHGP has contributed 174 pledges for $557 per Iowa touchdown in 2014. At six touchdowns, that is $3342 pledged by our community through the first two weeks.

That's amazing. We just finished Week 2 and already you guys have shown up in ways we've never seen before—and we've had some great years. If we don't receive another pledge for the rest of the season, this season will have still have been a success beyond our wildest dreams. We can't thank you enough.

But you guys didn't come here for praise, you came here for my embarrassment. As such, you deserve a progress report on that, too. Onward!

If BHGP can raise $400 per Iowa touchdown in 2014, I, Adam Jacobi, would ride a horse for your amusement.

Status: incomplete

Again, we hit that goal frighteningly early in the process. Our preferred horse was not available before Ball State, unfortunately, so the horse-riding has been tabled for Pitt weekend. More details on this very soon!

If BHGP can raise $450 per Iowa touchdown in 2014, I, Adam Jacobi, would wear a custom sequined shirt made by Friend of the Pants Maggie Hendricks Gaines.

Status: acquired

We rocketed past $450, and wouldn't you know it, I just received this from Maggie.

The full implementation of this can only come when the horse riding happens, but rest assured the shirt comes with me.

If BHGP can raise $500 per Iowa touchdown in 2014, I, Adam Jacobi, would wear one of those infernal horse head masks to Kinnick Stadium for the Ball State game on September 6.

Status: COMPLETE

Sigh... fine. FINE.

You know what? Those masks are hot as hell, especially on sunny late summer days. Who'd have thought it? As a result I wore the mask only intermittently—usually when Iowa had the ball and doing something with it, or when it was time to party. See Exhibit B:

Also worth noting: the horse head stayed on during most of the furious comeback, and that compelled me to get caught up in the emotion of the moment and truly embrace the horse identity. Mr. Vint can attest that several times during the fourth quarter, I yelled out through the small mouth hole, "I'M A HOOOOOOOORSE!"

One might even say that I yelled so much I went... scratchy-voiced.

If BHGP can raise $550 per Iowa touchdown in 2014, I, Adam Jacobi, will wear the horse head mask as I dance suggestively to Ginuwine's hit single "Pony" in front of the Old Capitol Dome in Iowa City on a weekday afternoon.

And at $575/TD I'll do it with the hooves.

Status: incomplete

At this point I'm pretty sure we're getting to $575, so I'm ordering the hooves today (sigh)—and I'm not doing the dance twice, so it's not like you get a $557 "Pony" dance and a $575 "Pony" dance with hooves. I'm no maniac. But yeah. That's coming too, and soon.

And then we've got the question of where to go from here—I brought it up earlier and I'm still not sure what to do now. At this point we've reached Peak Jacobi Public Embarrassment, so anything else feels like just an ego trip and totally divorced from the original concept of helping out the kids. To be real honest the Pony dance feels like that too but I'm committed to fulfilling my obligations on this one so I'm still doing that. But yeah. We need to evolve past the stunts from here on out, I think.

Floor's open to thoughts. Again, we truly didn't think we'd ever get this far on pledges—THANK YOU ALL FOR THAT, seriously—so we're without a plan now. All suggestions welcome.

As always, the donation page is embedded below, and you can CLICK HERE if it doesn't show up for you. Remember to click the "Black Heart Gold Pants" box where needed so your pledge can go toward our community goal.

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