At the Hayden Fry Football Complex player lounge, Wednesday afternoon
Yeah, we need to let him know this shit isn't going to fly
But how are we going to do it? It's not like we have a say in who plays quarterback.
OH SHIT here he comes follow my lead
Hey, what's up guys?
Enjoyin' some down time? Kickin' it with your buds?
Uh...yeah, coach. Just kickin' it with buds.
Coach, can I make a suggestion?
Sure, Kevonte. Or should I call you Kevizzle?
OK, first suggestion: Never say Kevizzle again.
Second suggestion: I watched your news conference Tuesday, and I think you need to update your references.
I mean, 1977 Pitt football is probably cool and all, but nobody else knows what you're talking about
Maybe you should get some pop culture references worked into your answers.
But all I know about pop culture is what Brian tells me: That Ma$e remains the nation's most important recording artist.
Well, why don't you let us help, Coach?
Yeah, let us help you out.
Tell you what: Every week, we'll bring you one important album that was released after that 1977 Pitt-Notre Dame game.
You can listen to them and, with time, know more about pop culture than my grandparents.
OK! This could be fun. Where do we start?
Oh, that doesn't sound like something I'd like.
But you need punk rock to understand the rest of music. It feeds into everything.
Here, try this:
Never Mind the Rudocks, here's the S-E-X Cannons? That sounds horrible.
Nah, Coach. It's great.
Yeah, the BEAT is HARD
Sure, but S-E-X? Right there in the title? It doesn't sound like something I'd like.
That's just evidence of the swagger that makes the Sex Cannons great.
That swagger and that beat.
Let's see this track listing...
/flips over the CD, because of course
"Anarchy in the U.K."
That's actually a song about Kinnick Stadium
Yeah. The "U.K." stands for...uh...University's Kinnick Stadium.
It starts off quietly, almost delicate
But then, from out of nowhere, the producer just drops the beat --
-- Drops the beat hard --
-- and goes back to the quiet song, and the crowd just riots. It gets ugly fast.
Really ugly. People went crazy.
Tragic it is. You should never drop the beat.
Actually, a lot of these songs are about Iowa football.
"Holidays in the Sun" is about the 1997 team that didn't show up for the Sun Bowl.
"No Feelings" is a fan's lament after every Iowa State loss.
"Liar" is about your injury reports --
-- OK, wait a second. I thought you said this a record from 1977. Why would it be about me?
We're on a roll.
"Seventeen" is just everyone bitching about Jacob Hillyer.
And "Problems" pretty much writes itself.
Anyway, Coach, you should listen to it.
Yeah enjoy that beat.
That BEAT IS HARD
Do you get it?
Yeah, I think so.
Oh hey, Jake Rudock's name is on here! Do you think he would like it? I should ask him.
Hey Jake! Jake, over here! This record is just what a starting quarterback needs to hear!
I don't think that worked.
Do we have a plan B?
We'll have get him a copy of Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Wiegers Please"