clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

KIRK FERENTZ GETS SOME NEW MUSIC

New, 27 comments

Kirk's wide receivers get subliminal.

Steven Branscombe-USA TODAY Sports

At the Hayden Fry Football Complex player lounge, Wednesday afternoon

Kevonte_icon_medium Yeah, we need to let him know this shit isn't going to fly
Smith_icon_medium But how are we going to do it? It's not like we have a say in who plays quarterback.
Kevonte_icon_medium OH SHIT here he comes follow my lead
Iconferentz_medium Hey, what's up guys?
Iconferentz_medium Enjoyin' some down time?  Kickin' it with your buds?
Smith_icon_medium Uh...yeah, coach.  Just kickin' it with buds.
Kevonte_icon_medium Coach, can I make a suggestion?
Iconferentz_medium Sure, Kevonte. Or should I call you Kevizzle?
Kevonte_icon_medium OK, first suggestion: Never say Kevizzle again.
Iconferentz_medium Got it.
Kevonte_icon_medium Second suggestion: I watched your news conference Tuesday, and I think you need to update your references.
Kevonte_icon_medium I mean, 1977 Pitt football is probably cool and all, but nobody else knows what you're talking about
Kevonte_icon_medium Maybe you should get some pop culture references worked into your answers.
Iconferentz_medium But all I know about pop culture is what Brian tells me: That Ma$e remains the nation's most important recording artist.
Kevonte_icon_medium Well, why don't you let us help, Coach?
Smith_icon_medium Yeah, let us help you out.
Kevonte_icon_medium Tell you what: Every week, we'll bring you one important album that was released after that 1977 Pitt-Notre Dame game.
Kevonte_icon_medium You can listen to them and, with time, know more about pop culture than my grandparents.
Iconferentz_medium OK! This could be fun. Where do we start?
Smith_icon_medium Punk rock.
Iconferentz_medium Oh, that doesn't sound like something I'd like.
Kevonte_icon_medium But you need punk rock to understand the rest of music. It feeds into everything.
Kevonte_icon_medium Here, try this:

Sex-pistols-never-mind-the-bollocks_medium

Iconferentz_medium Never Mind the Rudocks, here's the S-E-X Cannons? That sounds horrible.
Kevonte_icon_medium Nah, Coach. It's great. 
Smith_icon_medium Yeah, the BEAT is HARD
Iconferentz_medium Sure, but S-E-X?  Right there in the title?  It doesn't sound like something I'd like.
Kevonte_icon_medium That's just evidence of the swagger that makes the Sex Cannons great.
Kevonte_icon_medium That swagger and that beat.
Smith_icon_medium Beat. Hard.
Kevonte_icon_medium Yes.
Iconferentz_medium Let's see this track listing...
Iconferentz_medium /flips over the CD, because of course
Iconferentz_medium Hmm...
Iconferentz_medium "Anarchy in the U.K." 
Kevonte_icon_medium That's actually a song about Kinnick Stadium
Iconferentz_medium Seriously?
Kevonte_icon_medium Yeah. The "U.K." stands for...uh...University's Kinnick Stadium.
Kevonte_icon_medium It starts off quietly, almost delicate
Kevonte_icon_medium But then, from out of nowhere, the producer just drops the beat -- 
Smith_icon_medium -- Drops the beat hard -- 
Kevonte_icon_medium -- and goes back to the quiet song, and the crowd just riots.  It gets ugly fast.
Smith_icon_medium Really ugly.  People went crazy.
Iconferentz_medium Sounds tragic.
Kevonte_icon_medium Tragic it is.  You should never drop the beat.
Smith_icon_medium Beat. Hard.
Kevonte_icon_medium Actually, a lot of these songs are about Iowa football.
Kevonte_icon_medium "Holidays in the Sun" is about the 1997 team that didn't show up for the Sun Bowl.
Smith_icon_medium "No Feelings" is a fan's lament after every Iowa State loss.
Kevonte_icon_medium "Liar" is about your injury reports -- 
Iconferentz_medium -- OK, wait a second. I thought you said this a record from 1977.  Why would it be about me?
Kevonte_icon_medium We're on a roll.
Smith_icon_medium "Seventeen" is just everyone bitching about Jacob Hillyer.
Kevonte_icon_medium And "Problems" pretty much writes itself.
Smith_icon_medium Anyway, Coach, you should listen to it.
Kevonte_icon_medium Yeah enjoy that beat.
Smith_icon_medium That BEAT IS HARD
Kevonte_icon_medium Do you get it?
Iconferentz_medium Yeah, I think so.
Iconferentz_medium Oh hey, Jake Rudock's name is on here! Do you think he would like it? I should ask him.
Iconferentz_medium Hey Jake! Jake, over here!  This record is just what a starting quarterback needs to hear!
Iconferentz_medium /runs away
Kevonte_icon_medium I don't think that worked.
Smith_icon_medium Do we have a plan B?
Kevonte_icon_medium We'll have get him a copy of Ol' Dirty Bastard's "Wiegers Please"